Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Enough is Enough
How the hell did Lil' Wayne get 8 Grammy noms? How is that fucking face-tatted gremlin even relevant? What the fuck is he mumbling about? Lollipops?
Hip-hop is dead and Rap is Pop's mistress.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Viral
Jeff put me on to this. Fun mash-ups, re-edits and stream of conscious lyrics about everything from hot chocolate to weed to window washing etiquette.
http://www.myspace.com/superviralbrothers
http://www.myspace.com/superviralbrothers
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Terrible Re-Gifts
-Fruitcake
-1/2 drank bottle of Peach Schnapps
-1 lb. ground decaf coffee
-Jerry Lewis telethon DVD's
-Tickets to Guys and Dolls from your best guy friend
-Kwaanza gift card
-"Ghost" DVD
-Boxer briefs with little red fish
-Christie Brinkley poster from 1986
-Referral to "my mom's favorite tattoo parlor"
-pet pig (that doesn't talk)
-used birkenstocks
-a baja (drug rug, pancho)
Questions After Watching A Charlie Brown Christmas?
Is Charlie Brown clinically depressed? Bi-polar?
Is Pigpen homeless?
Is Lucy a butch lesbian?
Why do the characters sound like adults in Spanish?
Why is Snoopy such a hater?
Are all the kids hippies because they dance like hippies?
How does Schroeder get so much quality sound from his toy piano?
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
"Milk"
A must see. One of the best films I've seen all year. Sean Penn is Oscar-worthy. Brolin is intriguing. Franco can actually act (he's so pretty!). San Francisco is as much a character as any of the aforementioned. The scenes of the Castro (now and then) gave me chills and a sense of ownership. San Francisco is part of my world now and will forever be.
Milk's message transcends Gay rights. Like Obama, his was a message of hope. Hope for Gays, Blacks, Latinos, Asians, the disenfranchised everywhere. His sacrifice made all the difference. Thank you Harvey Milk.
Milk's message transcends Gay rights. Like Obama, his was a message of hope. Hope for Gays, Blacks, Latinos, Asians, the disenfranchised everywhere. His sacrifice made all the difference. Thank you Harvey Milk.
Wildcat!
Attention all NFL Offensive coordinators: Do not run the "Wildcat" offense unless you are the Miami Dolphins.
The Dolphins started the trend this year now everyone is trying to stick their most skilled athlete in the shotgun and add some variation to their vanilla offense (sense Oakland Raiders).
It doesn't work if you add this series to your playbook in week 14. Desperate is the word which comes to mind amidst such feeble attempts to supplement crap offenses.
It's time to focus on the draft Oakland.
The Dolphins started the trend this year now everyone is trying to stick their most skilled athlete in the shotgun and add some variation to their vanilla offense (sense Oakland Raiders).
It doesn't work if you add this series to your playbook in week 14. Desperate is the word which comes to mind amidst such feeble attempts to supplement crap offenses.
It's time to focus on the draft Oakland.
Shoes to the face!
I believe this reporter acts on behalf of all intelligent beings with his reaction to Bush's presence:
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Essential Reading: "Downtown Owl" by Chuck Klosterman
There's something endearing about small town life. Even amidst the repetition, the complacency and the exoticising of what lies beyond city limits, there lies intrigue. In his first novel, Klosterman paints a great story built around the lives of three characters in fictional Owl, North Dakota.
It's 1983 and Owl is detached from life in urban America. High School football is king and conservatism (in all walks of life) is the way to go. We're stuck inside the heads of the central characters and their daily routines until one single event changes things forever.
Klosterman uses his sense of humor, "insight" into relationships and his own experience as a North Dakotan to craft a great story. He also reminds us why the slang term "boss" is so awesome.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Haterade
Obama is our next president. Get over it haters.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081209/ap_on_go_su_co/scotus_obama
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081209/ap_on_go_su_co/scotus_obama
Thursday, December 4, 2008
"Prop 8 The Muiscal"
It's great that we can make light of our foibles. I agree with the lot of this star-studded cast. Not only as a state (CA) but as a nation...as a universe we need to get past our phobias and move forward. People are people. No matter the color or sexuality everyone has a right to rights.
The bible thumping and fear mongering won't lead us to any sort of promised land--unless you consider intolerance, segregation, damnation and hatred the inevitable.
Hopefully one day we'll come to our collective senses and do the right thing. We elected Obama right? Maybe we'll eventually get this thing right.
The funny:
The bible thumping and fear mongering won't lead us to any sort of promised land--unless you consider intolerance, segregation, damnation and hatred the inevitable.
Hopefully one day we'll come to our collective senses and do the right thing. We elected Obama right? Maybe we'll eventually get this thing right.
The funny:
See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die
Monday, December 1, 2008
Posterboy for Gun Control
After Plaxico shot himself in the leg this weekend and had to post $100,000 bail to get himself out of jail, I can only ask for the thousandth time:
Why are guns legal in the U.S.?
Note: Sweatpants don't serve as a steady holster for a glock 40.
Pure stupidity: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/02/sports/football/02burress.html?bl&ex=1228366800&en=999dc033151c2b6c&ei=5087%0A
Why are guns legal in the U.S.?
Note: Sweatpants don't serve as a steady holster for a glock 40.
Pure stupidity: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/02/sports/football/02burress.html?bl&ex=1228366800&en=999dc033151c2b6c&ei=5087%0A
WTF?
Truly a Black Friday. Sad and laughable.
The newest sign of the apocalypse:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/29/black.friday.death/index.html
The newest sign of the apocalypse:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/29/black.friday.death/index.html
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
"Nine Blocks"
The only time I tried to ghost ride my whip I tumbled from it and watched from the asphalt as it slowly headed toward a concrete wall behind Need Supply Co. and Plan 9 in Richmond's famous Carytown District (The car was going way too fast when i stepped out).
Luckily my car didn't careen into a permanent structure, thereby destroying my two-year old baby and injuring my friend Tom (who sat nonplussed in the passenger seat, for seconds that seemed like minutes, before palming the break pedal thus bringing the unleashed beast to halt--always warn the passenger before you do something this idiotic).
Let my cautionary tale be a lesson.
In reminiscence (is that even a word or just a Bushism?) of one of the stupidest things I've ever done I offer "Nine Blocks" by RVA's own:
Luckily my car didn't careen into a permanent structure, thereby destroying my two-year old baby and injuring my friend Tom (who sat nonplussed in the passenger seat, for seconds that seemed like minutes, before palming the break pedal thus bringing the unleashed beast to halt--always warn the passenger before you do something this idiotic).
Let my cautionary tale be a lesson.
In reminiscence (is that even a word or just a Bushism?) of one of the stupidest things I've ever done I offer "Nine Blocks" by RVA's own:
Friday, November 21, 2008
Brazil demolishes Portugal
Portugal made need a new goalkeeper. Elano's and Maicon's goals are pure class.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Space...the final frontier
J.J. Abrams is bringing back a newer, sexier, hi-techier Star Trek the movie.
Peep Sylar from Heroes as Spock and Simon Pegg added comedic relief.
Captain James T. Kirk!
Peep Sylar from Heroes as Spock and Simon Pegg added comedic relief.
Captain James T. Kirk!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Eye of the Glen
I was reminiscing about this commercial last night when I saw a guy working his punching bag in his back yard last night. I was singing "Eye of the Tiger" to him but I don't think it was best to antagonize a guy working a heavy bag in his backyard at 8:30 on a Tuesday night. He probably has something to prove.
Walk It Out
Long walk to the nearest grocery store? Do you need a bike to get anywhere in your neighborhood? Are you car dependent? Or do you live in a walker's paradise like me?
www.walkscore.com
My apt. is a 94. Read it and weep.
Props to Julia for the link.
www.walkscore.com
My apt. is a 94. Read it and weep.
Props to Julia for the link.
Buzz Word
vet - 3. to appraise, verify, or check for accuracy, authenticity, validity, etc.: An expert vetted the manuscript before publication.
–verb (used without object)
I'd never heard this word until two months ago. Now John Stewart says it more often than Paris Hilton says "like...".
Apparently everyone needs to be vetted: Hilary Clinton, Sarah Palin, John McCain, Barack Obama. It's enough already. Did the media establish a cabal to use the word "vet" at least once per story?
It reminds me of the superfluous use of "deluge" during Katrina. Vet has been vetted as a $10 word for a country that doesn't have a $1.
The irony is that the media can't be trusted these days, meanwhile they're continually trying to play "gotcha" by unearthing detrimental evidence on everything from Michael Jackson to Alaska's state senator. The verbal papparazzi needs to end now.
–verb (used without object)
I'd never heard this word until two months ago. Now John Stewart says it more often than Paris Hilton says "like...".
Apparently everyone needs to be vetted: Hilary Clinton, Sarah Palin, John McCain, Barack Obama. It's enough already. Did the media establish a cabal to use the word "vet" at least once per story?
It reminds me of the superfluous use of "deluge" during Katrina. Vet has been vetted as a $10 word for a country that doesn't have a $1.
The irony is that the media can't be trusted these days, meanwhile they're continually trying to play "gotcha" by unearthing detrimental evidence on everything from Michael Jackson to Alaska's state senator. The verbal papparazzi needs to end now.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sky High
"Sky High" - Kanye West Remix Project:
http://www.imeem.com/skyhigh/playlist/srrt_Wxw/dj_benzi_kanye_west_plain_pat_present_sky_high_music_pla/
Enjoy!!
http://www.imeem.com/skyhigh/playlist/srrt_Wxw/dj_benzi_kanye_west_plain_pat_present_sky_high_music_pla/
Enjoy!!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wasted Energy
A friend recently made a genius point:
Why don't gyms and fitness centers run on the energy produced by the people using treadmills/elliptical machines/etc.?
This seems too obvious to be so brilliant, but it is just that...brilliant. Solving the energy crisis should be our number one priority--and if everyone pitches in it won't be as difficult as we imagine it to be.
Please discuss...
Why don't gyms and fitness centers run on the energy produced by the people using treadmills/elliptical machines/etc.?
This seems too obvious to be so brilliant, but it is just that...brilliant. Solving the energy crisis should be our number one priority--and if everyone pitches in it won't be as difficult as we imagine it to be.
Please discuss...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Word of the Day
horripilation \haw-rip-uh-LAY-shuhn; ho-\, noun: the act or process of the hair bristling on the skin, as from cold or fear; goose flesh.
Worst Prescription Drug Side Effects
-Sleep crying
-Mudd butt
-Fumbleitis
-Reoccurring sex dream involving a mule, 2 lbs. of butter and gnome.
-Night terrors
-Superfluous drooling
-Unravelling Navel
-Rotgut
-Kitten breath
-Pathalogical lying
-False Big Dick Syndrome
-Chiggles
-Speaking in tongues
-In-law lust
-Agoraphobia
-Mickey Rourke worship
-Fantasia
-CWAS (Constant Wet Ass Syndrome)
-Mudd butt
-Fumbleitis
-Reoccurring sex dream involving a mule, 2 lbs. of butter and gnome.
-Night terrors
-Superfluous drooling
-Unravelling Navel
-Rotgut
-Kitten breath
-Pathalogical lying
-False Big Dick Syndrome
-Chiggles
-Speaking in tongues
-In-law lust
-Agoraphobia
-Mickey Rourke worship
-Fantasia
-CWAS (Constant Wet Ass Syndrome)
Free!
After relocating to Oakland, Julia and I were faced with the inevitable dilemma: HBO Cable Package or Basic Cable?
We chose to go sans HBO (mainly because we're savvy spendthrifts). As a result we've had to look elsewhere for our movie fix. I used to have a 700 channel a day habit at my old digs so this has proven to be a new experience (I've even rediscovered reading books!).
So, we've yet to grab a member card from Reel in Berkeley or re-up on that Netflix account so instead we've reverted to the good 'ol Internet.
These free sites have proven to be golden alternatives to all of the aforementioned (I bestow these treats to you):
www.alluc.org
www.watch-movies.net
Happy free movie-ing!
We chose to go sans HBO (mainly because we're savvy spendthrifts). As a result we've had to look elsewhere for our movie fix. I used to have a 700 channel a day habit at my old digs so this has proven to be a new experience (I've even rediscovered reading books!).
So, we've yet to grab a member card from Reel in Berkeley or re-up on that Netflix account so instead we've reverted to the good 'ol Internet.
These free sites have proven to be golden alternatives to all of the aforementioned (I bestow these treats to you):
www.alluc.org
www.watch-movies.net
Happy free movie-ing!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Last Minute Holloween Costume Ideas
- Creepy Drunk Uncle -"Come sit on your Uncle Larry's lap."- Sexy Mortician -Not to be confused with Morticia from the Addams Family.
- 80's band Keytarist - Mustaches up!
- Dane Cook - Formerly funny.
- Southern Republican ' "Hold my G&T sugah while I fix my bowtie."
-Unicorn - Never fails
-Overexcited Japanese tourist - "Wiiiiiiiiii!"
- ManO'lantern - I suggest shaving as opposed to waxing.
- Lil' Young - Fictional Pop/Rap phenomenon
- Mormon Trophy Wife #3
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
"At least we kept them under a hundred"
So your son and his football team get worked to the tune of 91-0. What do you do to console him and his buddies? Crack a joke about the score mirroring a game of Madden on PS3 between you and your kid? No, you write an angry e-mail and bitch, bitch bitch.
Really?!?
How soft have we gotten people? It's only a game and life's not fair (insert your fave cliche').
The worst part about it is that the winning coach didn't even play his starters the entire time.
Let's face it Estero High School, your football team sucks. Shame on you for whining. I think two-a-days are in order.
http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=862709
Really?!?
How soft have we gotten people? It's only a game and life's not fair (insert your fave cliche').
The worst part about it is that the winning coach didn't even play his starters the entire time.
Let's face it Estero High School, your football team sucks. Shame on you for whining. I think two-a-days are in order.
http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=862709
Mudslinging
This McCain-Palin "campaigning" keeps getting worse and worse. If you thing racism, jingoism, isolationism and blind nationalism aren't heavily prevalent in our society on the day to day then look again my friend.
If you're considering voting for the Republican ticket, get your head checked first.
When does "politicking" and electioneering go too far? Right here "my friends": http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/12/opinion/12rich.html?_r=1&em&oref=slogin
If you're considering voting for the Republican ticket, get your head checked first.
When does "politicking" and electioneering go too far? Right here "my friends": http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/12/opinion/12rich.html?_r=1&em&oref=slogin
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Oakland, CA
That's right, I'm moving to Oakland. Trading the 415 for the 510. Leaving the congestion, the fantasy, the expensive rate of living, the hippies, the bums, the dreamers, the college grads, the yuppies, the grind, the density, the microclimates, the beauty of SF...for Oakland. Haters beware!
Found a nice place to begin again and make the grade. I'm excited about life again. I'm excited to learn, to challenge, to debunk stereotypes, to relax, live and love in the East Bay. Bittersweet but in essence, I ain't goin' nowhere.
Stay tuned...
Future Home: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temescal,_Oakland,_California
Found a nice place to begin again and make the grade. I'm excited about life again. I'm excited to learn, to challenge, to debunk stereotypes, to relax, live and love in the East Bay. Bittersweet but in essence, I ain't goin' nowhere.
Stay tuned...
Future Home: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temescal,_Oakland,_California
Essential Reading: "Killing Yourself to Live" by Chuck Klosterman
As neurotic as they are, Chuck Klosterman's tales leave me wanting more. "Killing Yourself to Live" is an entertaining road trip memoir and further proof that Klosterman is definitely a guy you wanna have 3 beers with.
He's slightly older than me but I know his generation fairly well so his diagnosis, analysis and breadth of pop culture knowledge is all the more impressive to me.
More the MTV generation than the Google Generation, Klosterman gives a rock history lesson while entertaining. His trials and tribultations with the fairer sex can get a bit whiney and stagnant and repetitive but I kept turning the pages. Looking forward to more from the coolest ginger N. Dakota's ever bore.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
RVA Represent!
I knew Fight the Big Bull was something special when i saw them cover Weezer's Blue Album.
The word: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=95287524
The word: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=95287524
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Breast Milk...you made my daaaaayeeeaaay
Peta's quest for shock value hit an all-time low. The hyperbolic activist organization has trod on sacred land by suggesting that Ben & Jerry's start using human breast milk instead of cow's milk. Marinade on that for a moment...yeah, it's like that.
The madness: http://www.peta.org/mc/NewsItem.asp?id=11993
The madness: http://www.peta.org/mc/NewsItem.asp?id=11993
Friday, September 26, 2008
Le Facebook
Apparently your Facebook Profile correlates to your level of narcissim. I would've never guessed this without the aid of these brilliant scientists. Thank you scientists! You're so fucking brilliant.
The obvious: http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080926/sc_livescience/facebookprofilesoutnarcissists
The obvious: http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080926/sc_livescience/facebookprofilesoutnarcissists
Monday, September 22, 2008
Death From Above
This is an excerpt from my diary. I was en route to Richmond, Va from SF via a red eye when everything seemed to go wrong.
Right now, I am not where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be hovering in an express sized jet plane over VA. I'm supposed to be giddy with anticipation of what this day has beheld to me. I'm supposed to be elated. I'm supposed to be home.
Instead I sit by my lonesome near the vacant Air Canada luggage carousel in Newark at the patriotically renamed "Liberty International Airport". Alone. Tired. Heated. Impatient.
The plan was to catch a red eye flight from SF to Newark then to RVA. Simple as peach cobbler, no? Well, little did I know that my flight would leave SFO 90 plus minutes late. Damn.
"This is gonna be a long night." I said to the cute, fatigued Danish blonde standing next to me. She too was weary. She looked to be on the last legs of a long vacation. My guess was right. She'd spent a month in SF and worked in a trip to Portland for good measure. Her name is Leah and she was visiting her brother who lives in Ingleside near City College and SF's version of suburbia.
Before she flashed her Danish passport I wouldn't have guessed her to be from Copenhagen. She spoke without a discernible accent. Actually, her accent sounded American; a mash up of NYC and everywhereville. She spoke English flawlessly (as I imagine all Northern Europeans to). Even I hesitate more than she did (I'd like to attribute this to my expansive vocabulary but that's debateable).
After several minutes of conversation with Leah, and her exemplifying a kung-fu grip on the English language, I had only one though on my mind: I wish I was a polyglot.
As we were boarding I realized I wasn't gonna make my connection from Newark to Richmond. I voiced this to Leah and she seemed more concerned than me.
"They'll work it out." she said confidently.
I agreed and thus the battle of being pissed was forfeited...so I thought.
I find my seat and bid adieu to my single-serving friend. I'm seated next to a window on the left wing of the plane. To my right is a tall, sunkissed, long-lashed girl in her early 20's. We both put our lights on in order to read. I'm enjoying Dave Sedaris' latest compilation of short stories. I haven't read him in ages so I'm relishing every simile.
Around page 94 I decide to catch a nap. This is always a Sisyphean chore for me. I'm a light sleeper and planes feel claustrophobic, especially this one (sardines would be unsettled in this motherfucker). Add to my discontent the fact that there aren't any tv screens. I've been spoiled by Jet Blue, Virgin and other modern airlines. The fact that this 757 has a 4.5 hour flight ahead and no tvs leaves me utterly nonplussed. Yes I have my book but sometimes you just wanna look up and see CNN or Sportscenter.
If you haven't figured it out yet these factors will lead to create the perfect shit storm.
So, post Dave Sedaris, I'm trying to get some z's and I'm actually getting some. I'm comfy and really digging my current status in a hibernative state. Then...the sound that awoke me from my idyllic slumber was unlike that of any I'd ever heard.
I can make comparisons but it was a unique sound. Pure fear. That's the way I'd put it, pure fear.
These fearful shreiks belonged to a 225 lbs. women 3 seats over from me. These were shreiks of ecstacy-cum-desperation. It was like combining an orgasm with "Oh shit! We're all gonna die in a few moments." A deathgasm.
As this huge banshee wailed, everyone awoke and there were a few moments (which seemed like two eternities) before anyone reacted. It was like I was watching it unravel in slow motion.
"Is this really happening?", I thought.
The lady went on for about two minutes before I could think of the perfect cynical, smartass quip. Just as I'm about to utter said quip to the leggy girl next to me I realize she's doing damage control on the future contestant from "The Biggest Loser". It turns out that my neighbor is the daughter of the terrified beast.
Needless to say I was glad I kept my trap closed. In case you were wondering, here's what I would've said:
"Will somone gag her?"
"Somebody strap a parachute on her, bless her, open the back door and boot her in that fat ass. She'll land somewhere in a cornfield in Middle America where she belongs."
"(Said in a general mocking tone) Help me! Help me! Help me! Shut the fuck up I'm trying to catch some z's!
Things of this nature crossed my mind but not my lips. I'm a nice guy. I don't say stuff like that...I just think it.
In the end she stopped screaming and panting and fidgeting and sweating. Turns out she hates flying and the moderate turbulence we were feeling was "scary". To me the turbulence felt like a rocking chair; wisking me off to dreamtopia. Evidently to her this episode of shakes felt like that "I'm gay!" moment in "Almost Famous".
After this hyperbole of an anxiety attack I couldn't get back into my sleeping zone. My heart was racing and I had one eye open monitoring the status of fatty boom blatty. I had images of an emergency landing where we screeched into O'Hare, jettisoning her immediately into a wheelchair accompanied by an oxygen tank.
Alas, we made it past the rough spots and in the end my devilish mind could only drift to regaling my friends with this episode--consumed with the hilarity of this audition for a Hitchcock movie I actually managed to laugh out loud the way you do when you're in church, where laughing is a sin. Shame on me.
So we landed. I made it. Here I sit in Newark with some food vouchers and 5 hours before my plane to RVA. I should be there by now, driving somewhere acknowledging the changes that have occurred in the year while I was away. Me, the prodigal son back for a taste of the nectar that nourished me before I depart again to my new normalcy.
It'll all come to me soon. But now, right now, I can only wait, laugh, read, write, text message and relax. I'm going nowhere for three hours so let's breathe in Newark Liberty International Airport. Only a few hours until freedom...
Right now, I am not where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be hovering in an express sized jet plane over VA. I'm supposed to be giddy with anticipation of what this day has beheld to me. I'm supposed to be elated. I'm supposed to be home.
Instead I sit by my lonesome near the vacant Air Canada luggage carousel in Newark at the patriotically renamed "Liberty International Airport". Alone. Tired. Heated. Impatient.
The plan was to catch a red eye flight from SF to Newark then to RVA. Simple as peach cobbler, no? Well, little did I know that my flight would leave SFO 90 plus minutes late. Damn.
"This is gonna be a long night." I said to the cute, fatigued Danish blonde standing next to me. She too was weary. She looked to be on the last legs of a long vacation. My guess was right. She'd spent a month in SF and worked in a trip to Portland for good measure. Her name is Leah and she was visiting her brother who lives in Ingleside near City College and SF's version of suburbia.
Before she flashed her Danish passport I wouldn't have guessed her to be from Copenhagen. She spoke without a discernible accent. Actually, her accent sounded American; a mash up of NYC and everywhereville. She spoke English flawlessly (as I imagine all Northern Europeans to). Even I hesitate more than she did (I'd like to attribute this to my expansive vocabulary but that's debateable).
After several minutes of conversation with Leah, and her exemplifying a kung-fu grip on the English language, I had only one though on my mind: I wish I was a polyglot.
As we were boarding I realized I wasn't gonna make my connection from Newark to Richmond. I voiced this to Leah and she seemed more concerned than me.
"They'll work it out." she said confidently.
I agreed and thus the battle of being pissed was forfeited...so I thought.
I find my seat and bid adieu to my single-serving friend. I'm seated next to a window on the left wing of the plane. To my right is a tall, sunkissed, long-lashed girl in her early 20's. We both put our lights on in order to read. I'm enjoying Dave Sedaris' latest compilation of short stories. I haven't read him in ages so I'm relishing every simile.
Around page 94 I decide to catch a nap. This is always a Sisyphean chore for me. I'm a light sleeper and planes feel claustrophobic, especially this one (sardines would be unsettled in this motherfucker). Add to my discontent the fact that there aren't any tv screens. I've been spoiled by Jet Blue, Virgin and other modern airlines. The fact that this 757 has a 4.5 hour flight ahead and no tvs leaves me utterly nonplussed. Yes I have my book but sometimes you just wanna look up and see CNN or Sportscenter.
If you haven't figured it out yet these factors will lead to create the perfect shit storm.
So, post Dave Sedaris, I'm trying to get some z's and I'm actually getting some. I'm comfy and really digging my current status in a hibernative state. Then...the sound that awoke me from my idyllic slumber was unlike that of any I'd ever heard.
I can make comparisons but it was a unique sound. Pure fear. That's the way I'd put it, pure fear.
These fearful shreiks belonged to a 225 lbs. women 3 seats over from me. These were shreiks of ecstacy-cum-desperation. It was like combining an orgasm with "Oh shit! We're all gonna die in a few moments." A deathgasm.
As this huge banshee wailed, everyone awoke and there were a few moments (which seemed like two eternities) before anyone reacted. It was like I was watching it unravel in slow motion.
"Is this really happening?", I thought.
The lady went on for about two minutes before I could think of the perfect cynical, smartass quip. Just as I'm about to utter said quip to the leggy girl next to me I realize she's doing damage control on the future contestant from "The Biggest Loser". It turns out that my neighbor is the daughter of the terrified beast.
Needless to say I was glad I kept my trap closed. In case you were wondering, here's what I would've said:
"Will somone gag her?"
"Somebody strap a parachute on her, bless her, open the back door and boot her in that fat ass. She'll land somewhere in a cornfield in Middle America where she belongs."
"(Said in a general mocking tone) Help me! Help me! Help me! Shut the fuck up I'm trying to catch some z's!
Things of this nature crossed my mind but not my lips. I'm a nice guy. I don't say stuff like that...I just think it.
In the end she stopped screaming and panting and fidgeting and sweating. Turns out she hates flying and the moderate turbulence we were feeling was "scary". To me the turbulence felt like a rocking chair; wisking me off to dreamtopia. Evidently to her this episode of shakes felt like that "I'm gay!" moment in "Almost Famous".
After this hyperbole of an anxiety attack I couldn't get back into my sleeping zone. My heart was racing and I had one eye open monitoring the status of fatty boom blatty. I had images of an emergency landing where we screeched into O'Hare, jettisoning her immediately into a wheelchair accompanied by an oxygen tank.
Alas, we made it past the rough spots and in the end my devilish mind could only drift to regaling my friends with this episode--consumed with the hilarity of this audition for a Hitchcock movie I actually managed to laugh out loud the way you do when you're in church, where laughing is a sin. Shame on me.
So we landed. I made it. Here I sit in Newark with some food vouchers and 5 hours before my plane to RVA. I should be there by now, driving somewhere acknowledging the changes that have occurred in the year while I was away. Me, the prodigal son back for a taste of the nectar that nourished me before I depart again to my new normalcy.
It'll all come to me soon. But now, right now, I can only wait, laugh, read, write, text message and relax. I'm going nowhere for three hours so let's breathe in Newark Liberty International Airport. Only a few hours until freedom...
Essential Reading: "The Beautiful Struggle" by Ta-Nehisi Coates
1 part "The Wire", 1 part 80's/90's Hip-hop, 1 part Black Consiousness, 1 part growing up a black male surrounded by high expectations."The Beautiful Struggle" tells an unforgettable story. I can relate to this book more than anything I've read in the past year or two.
You feel like Coates is talking to you and only you. "...you know what this is."
I can't do this justice right now. Basically, just read it then listen to "The Low End Theory" and call me, we'll discuss. Nuff said.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Where'd Our Shirt Sponsor go?
The impending economic crisis touches everything, including footy.http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1841701,00.html
Slobberknocker
I don't know whether to laugh or cry on this one. I'll laugh...a lot.
Damn, is that ecto cooler?
Damn, is that ecto cooler?
Obey
The man who made us "Obey" and remember Andre the Giant's ugly mug, Shepard Fairey, is showing currently until 10/4/08 right here in the Tenderloin."Duality of Humanity" at White Walls Gallery.
The info: http://www.whitewallssf.com/
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Rad to Riches
"Stuff White People Like" has swept the nation like Palin fever.
True Story: http://www.avclub.com/content/interview/christian_lander
True Story: http://www.avclub.com/content/interview/christian_lander
EPL on ESPN?
It looks like the 4-letter may put in a bid for rights to the EPL in the future. Uh, oh.
I heart FSC and I bet ESPN would find a way to F this up. At the same time ESPN is standard cable these days so Football (nee Soccer) would be exposed to more Americans along with ESPN being exposed to more Brits.
The story: http://sports.yahoo.com/sow/news;_ylt=Ai.NcPp.JH.WmwBbNT9p_fgmw7YF?slug=ap-foxsoccerchannel&prov=ap&type=lgns
I heart FSC and I bet ESPN would find a way to F this up. At the same time ESPN is standard cable these days so Football (nee Soccer) would be exposed to more Americans along with ESPN being exposed to more Brits.
The story: http://sports.yahoo.com/sow/news;_ylt=Ai.NcPp.JH.WmwBbNT9p_fgmw7YF?slug=ap-foxsoccerchannel&prov=ap&type=lgns
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
He's baaack...
The man who "changed football" last year may be on the bench for Man U. tomorrow night against the Yellow Submarine. He's way ahead of schedule following his ankle surgery this Summer. Is this a case of rushing him back into a side that is desperate for some offensive firepower with Scholes, Carrick and possibly Berbatov missing from the action tomorrow night against Villareal? We shall see.
One thing is for certain, Cristiano is giddy to be back on the pitch. Yippieee!
Manucho: Man U's answer to Adebayor?
Manucho may see his debut for Manchester United tomorrow. Is he the next big thing?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Kanye West - "Love Lockdown"
If the rest of the new album ("808's and Heartbreak") is on par with this then we're in for a treat.
Behold: http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/?em3106=206428_-1__0_~0_-1_5_2008_0_0&em3161=&em3281=
Behold: http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/?em3106=206428_-1__0_~0_-1_5_2008_0_0&em3161=&em3281=
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Favorite Things to Do on a Sick Day
- Watch The Price is Right (Drew Carey can't walk a mile in Bob Barker's shoes)
- Watch Ferris Buehler's Day Off
- Thoroughly dissect your Fantasy Football team
- Intense Online window shopping
- Gluttony
-Afternoon naps
- Entourage marathon
- Wikipediaing all the random things that enter your mind
- Wear pajamas all day l o n g
- Ostentatiously mocking your roommates while they leave for work
- Talking away your "Anytime minutes" for no apparent reason
- In depth research on the merits of potbelly pig ownership and domestication
Unreleased KanYe
Why didn't he ever release this? The lyrics are throw away like they ususally are with Kanye to da...
But the beat is on time.
But the beat is on time.
Common- U.M.C.
The first thing I thought upon hearing this was, "Rock, Rock, Planet Rock!" Pharrell has done it again! It's infectious and gets me even more excited about seeing N.E.R.D and Common in a few weeks.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Electioneering
If you missed Larry King's interview with Michael Moore on Friday 9/5/08 then you should go to your nearest YouTube and catch up with the rest of the class.
In the meantime, register to get a free copy of Moore's new film "Slacker Uprising" at www.slackeruprising.com. Hopefully the Youth voters will turn out in strong numbers on 11/4/08 and actually vote for the correct guy this time.
www.michaelmoore.com
In the meantime, register to get a free copy of Moore's new film "Slacker Uprising" at www.slackeruprising.com. Hopefully the Youth voters will turn out in strong numbers on 11/4/08 and actually vote for the correct guy this time.
www.michaelmoore.com
Murakami - "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running"
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Murakami's autobiographical account of how long distance running has affected his writing is a must read for aspiring writers and runners alike. He details the transparent parallels between the two: patience, focus, mental fortitude, discipline.
He also describes the melancholy of diminishing physical ability as aging takes hold on our bodies. It's a fight we will inevitably lose but must wage to better ourselves. He does all of this with the same verve he displays in his novels.
A quick read and well worth it. I highly recommend Murakami's latest.
Apocalypse Now
Because I have a brain I realize that Obama must win this election for America to lift itself out of its' self-imposed pit of dispair.
Actually it's bigger than just us. The World is watching and justly so. If we go for four more years of Bushism (McCain is only a mask. We'll continue to get raped by the same regime. Case in point: A Bush speech writer wrote Palin's "big" speech for the RNC. Change my ass.), then we've collectively turned our backs on the World at large. We'd be North Korea with a good PR spin.
I know I'm preaching to the converted if you're reading this. It's just food for thought. As I look at these current polls showing McCain to be ahead or in a dead heat with Obama, Canada is looking more and more enticing.
Food for thought: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/sep/10/uselections2008.barackobama
Shout to Lish for the link.
Actually it's bigger than just us. The World is watching and justly so. If we go for four more years of Bushism (McCain is only a mask. We'll continue to get raped by the same regime. Case in point: A Bush speech writer wrote Palin's "big" speech for the RNC. Change my ass.), then we've collectively turned our backs on the World at large. We'd be North Korea with a good PR spin.
I know I'm preaching to the converted if you're reading this. It's just food for thought. As I look at these current polls showing McCain to be ahead or in a dead heat with Obama, Canada is looking more and more enticing.
Food for thought: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/sep/10/uselections2008.barackobama
Shout to Lish for the link.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Potty Mouths
You can't fathom the things I hear on a daily basis while riding public transportation. The spectrum spans from intimate details being told to friends via cell phone convos to Republicans exclaiming their excitement about Tina Fey look-a-like and symbol of Alaskan pride, (whatever her first name is) Palin to hobos, bums and junkies talking to everyone and no one at the same time about God knows what; it's all a bit disturbing yet hilarious.
Wednesday's Muni ride took the cake when I overheard (I might as well say heard, since they were yelling) two teenage girls partake in the following dialogue:
Girl#1: Yo! That's that dude Billy! That n---a tried to get in me.
Girl#2: Let's go holla at him.
Girl#1: Word. (The girls proceed to exit the J at the next stop. Meanwhile I pick my jaw up off the floor)
For those in need of translation: The girls spotted an acquaintance they recognized while riding the J streetcar. One of the girls made out with said boy. Said boy tried to initiate sexual intercourse but failed. The girls decided to exit the streetcar and accost said boy.
Some things can never be unheard and can never be forgotten.
P.S.-The aforementioned dialogue was not taken from a contemporary Rap album skit. It really happened. I repeat, it really happened. Sho nuff.
Wednesday's Muni ride took the cake when I overheard (I might as well say heard, since they were yelling) two teenage girls partake in the following dialogue:
Girl#1: Yo! That's that dude Billy! That n---a tried to get in me.
Girl#2: Let's go holla at him.
Girl#1: Word. (The girls proceed to exit the J at the next stop. Meanwhile I pick my jaw up off the floor)
For those in need of translation: The girls spotted an acquaintance they recognized while riding the J streetcar. One of the girls made out with said boy. Said boy tried to initiate sexual intercourse but failed. The girls decided to exit the streetcar and accost said boy.
Some things can never be unheard and can never be forgotten.
P.S.-The aforementioned dialogue was not taken from a contemporary Rap album skit. It really happened. I repeat, it really happened. Sho nuff.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Tom Ford is on Top
I know I'm late but...Terry Richardson + Tom Ford = Fire The new Dandy looks great. Go out and get your bowties and your tailored suits y'all.
Treated Like a Piece of Meat
This may be an all time low. Imagine telling your friends and family, "Yo, I've been traded for some slabs of meat."
Heartless.
The ugly truth: http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=360149&cc=5901
Heartless.
The ugly truth: http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=360149&cc=5901
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Olympics Observations
-Michael Phelps really is Superman.
-Bob Costas is a robot that never sleeps.
-President Bush has a higher approval rating in Beijing than in the U.S.
-Chinese female Gymnasts were all born after 1995.
-Badminton, once thought to be a backyard leisure sport played with a cocktail in one hand, is actually quite intense.
-Usain "Lightning" Bolt could probably play WR in the NFL based on speed and size alone.
-Bernard Lagat choked in the 1500m.
-NBC has screwed us all by only showing the good events in "Primetime". Americans everywhere are bleary eyed.
-The U.S. Softball team is almost as dominant as Michael Phelps.
-Boxing is always, always on.
-Olympic Boxing is like watching a glorified street fight. I saw someone get noogied last night.
-China is way too uptight to be the preeminent Super Power on Earth.
-Bob Costas is a robot that never sleeps.
-President Bush has a higher approval rating in Beijing than in the U.S.
-Chinese female Gymnasts were all born after 1995.
-Badminton, once thought to be a backyard leisure sport played with a cocktail in one hand, is actually quite intense.
-Usain "Lightning" Bolt could probably play WR in the NFL based on speed and size alone.
-Bernard Lagat choked in the 1500m.
-NBC has screwed us all by only showing the good events in "Primetime". Americans everywhere are bleary eyed.
-The U.S. Softball team is almost as dominant as Michael Phelps.
-Boxing is always, always on.
-Olympic Boxing is like watching a glorified street fight. I saw someone get noogied last night.
-China is way too uptight to be the preeminent Super Power on Earth.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Look Ma, No Pants!
The Recession is hitting everyone hard these days. Apparently Middle to Upper Class, Boho girls are suffering the worst. Deep pockets have become...no pockets as the average girl in SF plainly can't afford to buy pants. Instead girls are supplanting their lack of pants with unflattering leggings.This phenomenon has swept across the city, from the Financial District to the Sunset (with a strong contingent in the Mission). Girls who look to be en route to a Yoga class are simply taking their look to Dolores Park to smoke weed and drink beers with sweaty, beardy male counterparts all afternoon.
"It's comfortable and chic. I love it," says Lizzie Smith, 22, about her fave new trend.
Are girls like Lizzie misinformed or on the Kool-aid?
Whatever it is this trend of going pantsless in favor of leggings and an oversized white t-shirt (see "T-skirts") is a fast trend. 20 somethings accross the globe seem to be overwhelming advocates of displaying pancake asses, hungover facial expressions and cheap Wayfarer sunglasses as their power look.
"It's like bedhead...only on your body and stuff. It's really sexy," said Carla Feinstein, 23.
Girls are strutting this look down Valencia and Haight Streets with a swagger that says, "I just don't give a fuck what I look like".
I was curious as to how young, male hipster counterparts view the fairer sex's trendiness.
"It's really sloppy. Leggings aren't flattering on anyone outside of the Ballet in my opinion. It's like girls are just putting their camel toes and flat asses out on display. It's one step away from Maternity gear. Truly and deeply, the look...sucks," said Matt Layton, 24.
"It's a weird look. It's like you're in the bar, and you're looking at what the girl is gonna look like the next morning when you go for coffee after an awkward, drunken one-night stand. It's like looking into a crystal ball of indifference about self-maintainenance." Says Cesar Perez, 27.
Will this trend of pantsless wonderment and pre-mediated grooming apathy continue? Will girls be able to afford designer jeans in the near future? Only time will tell.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Into the Future
A jilted poem I wrote back in March:
"Into the Future"
I’m no friend of time.
I pay time respect but never will I fear it.
The definition of constant motion while you stand still,
The center of the universe in its own mind.
The stoic face of undebateable truth.
"Time stops for no one".
The reason for words like "distractions" and "waste".
The one we fight but always lose to.
The one we race naively.
Time is kicking my ass on the daily.
I’m older than I was when I wrote this.
I’m older than I was when I thought this.
There will be no pause button.
There will be no time outs.
There is no rip in the fabric of time.
All we have is the reality of the situation...
While you sit and ponder the meaning of that,
Realize that time keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin...
"Into the Future"
I’m no friend of time.
I pay time respect but never will I fear it.
The definition of constant motion while you stand still,
The center of the universe in its own mind.
The stoic face of undebateable truth.
"Time stops for no one".
The reason for words like "distractions" and "waste".
The one we fight but always lose to.
The one we race naively.
Time is kicking my ass on the daily.
I’m older than I was when I wrote this.
I’m older than I was when I thought this.
There will be no pause button.
There will be no time outs.
There is no rip in the fabric of time.
All we have is the reality of the situation...
While you sit and ponder the meaning of that,
Realize that time keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin...
Monday, August 11, 2008
Open the Box
After listening to some Bernie Mac (R.I.P.) classic clips on YouTube today I realized that my iPod is sooo tired. How many times can I listen to that last Kings of Leon album or that old Broken Social Scene album or "Low End Theory"?
I had an epiphany all over again and re-upped on www.pandora.com. I thought it was a fad in the past; used it all up and discarded it. But, there aren't many sites that provide a better soundtrack for monotonous office work.
Revisit Pandora. Don't sleep.
I had an epiphany all over again and re-upped on www.pandora.com. I thought it was a fad in the past; used it all up and discarded it. But, there aren't many sites that provide a better soundtrack for monotonous office work.
Revisit Pandora. Don't sleep.
Monday, August 4, 2008
The Fader
I occasionally go to http://www.thefader.com/ in hopes of getting a glimpse into the next big cool thing (song, fashion trend, etc.). Alas, I'm repeatedly disappointed. There's the occasional video clip to an unreleased song I've been lusting to hear but usually it's just overzealous blogs about hyper mediocre music.
I've come to the conclusion that The Fader is just a bunch of nerdy, uber trendy NYC kids with way too much free time and even more free music at their disposal. I guess taste is in the eye of the beholder; they have no taste. Really who listens to that bullshit Dirty Souf, pre-manufactured, over dramatized shit that they tout like the second coming of LeBron James? Hip-hop is on life support so don't pull the plug.
I've come to the conclusion that The Fader is just a bunch of nerdy, uber trendy NYC kids with way too much free time and even more free music at their disposal. I guess taste is in the eye of the beholder; they have no taste. Really who listens to that bullshit Dirty Souf, pre-manufactured, over dramatized shit that they tout like the second coming of LeBron James? Hip-hop is on life support so don't pull the plug.
The Takeover
I noticed last week that the Financial District of SF and also the Shopping District were swarming with more Europeans than usual. When I went into Niketown to cop some kicks on sale I noticed a number of tourists walking around with shoebox stacks 4 high.
Aside from a conversation with another San Franciscoan about some exclusive kicks being shown on the tv screen, I didn't hear any English being spoken around me. Droves and droves of parents were buying whatever their kids wanted. I felt like a fish out of water. More alarming was when I was standing around waiting for help, meanwhile I was being stared at by some tourists who obviously don't see African-Americans everyday. Was I in Western Europe or Union Square? It was hard to tell.
The dollar ain't worth a cent these days and tourists are reaping the benefits. Everyday Downtown SF seems touristier and touristier. When did American become the #1 destination for Middle class Europeans and Asians?
The NY Times ran an article today about the similar affect the weak dollar has had on Manhattan tourism.
Friends, we are in the midst of The Fall of Rome in this country. Global warming, astronomical gas prices, recession and now tourists buying everything up. We've been one-upped!
The word: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/fashion/03tourists.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
Aside from a conversation with another San Franciscoan about some exclusive kicks being shown on the tv screen, I didn't hear any English being spoken around me. Droves and droves of parents were buying whatever their kids wanted. I felt like a fish out of water. More alarming was when I was standing around waiting for help, meanwhile I was being stared at by some tourists who obviously don't see African-Americans everyday. Was I in Western Europe or Union Square? It was hard to tell.
The dollar ain't worth a cent these days and tourists are reaping the benefits. Everyday Downtown SF seems touristier and touristier. When did American become the #1 destination for Middle class Europeans and Asians?
The NY Times ran an article today about the similar affect the weak dollar has had on Manhattan tourism.
Friends, we are in the midst of The Fall of Rome in this country. Global warming, astronomical gas prices, recession and now tourists buying everything up. We've been one-upped!
The word: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/fashion/03tourists.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Beer Pong: The Video Game
Sign of the apocalypse #33: Beer Pong for Nintendo Wii.Bored Dude #1: "How about we play a virtual game of Beer Pong where we actually drink...in real life?"
Bored Dude #2:"Fuck yeah! Let's get hammered!"
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Fast Food Nation
Have you ever driven through the hood? Have you heard Dave Chappelle jokes about the hood?
"I knew I was in the hood because I looked out the window and I saw a liquor store, gun store, liquor store, gun store..."
Missing from that joke is the abundance of fast food joints found in said hood. If you ever had any questions about Black conspiracy theorists (or conscious rappers) hypothesises that White America equips the "ghetto" with the tools to fail then just go to your closest impoverished area and count the liquor stores and fast food joints, then go to a more affluent area and do the same.
Unfair and unbalanced.
It looks like L.A. is taking a stab at cleaning up their own mess and laying down a moratorium on fast food joints. Atlanta, D.C., Chicago, Bay Area, Richmond, Illadelph, NYC--take note!
The food: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/fast_food_ban
"I knew I was in the hood because I looked out the window and I saw a liquor store, gun store, liquor store, gun store..."
Missing from that joke is the abundance of fast food joints found in said hood. If you ever had any questions about Black conspiracy theorists (or conscious rappers) hypothesises that White America equips the "ghetto" with the tools to fail then just go to your closest impoverished area and count the liquor stores and fast food joints, then go to a more affluent area and do the same.
Unfair and unbalanced.
It looks like L.A. is taking a stab at cleaning up their own mess and laying down a moratorium on fast food joints. Atlanta, D.C., Chicago, Bay Area, Richmond, Illadelph, NYC--take note!
The food: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/fast_food_ban
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Summertime?
"The coldest Winter I ever spent was a Summer in San Francisco."
That fine quote is attributed to Mark Twain. It may have well been the words of a laughingly omniscient G-O-D because the poignancy/venom of that statement is the unique essence of truth.
This is my first proper Summer in SF as I arrived on September 1st, 2007 (that's right, I'm coming up on my anniversary--no longer a newbie) and I've deduced that it's fucking cold here all year except for September and October. What a coincidence that my first two months here were not only blissful in my inheritance of a new city and all it's playfulness but also the two least suspect months. SF has a climate to make Juneau, Alaska say, "Haha you rich people put up with that shit?!"
Yes, Juneau, unfortunately we do. Wind from the East, Wind from the West, Wind from above, Wind from below. To leave your house in SF without a jacket is not only a sin but also a Deathwish. No need to see Charles Bronson, just go for an hour walk in Havanas sandals without a hoodie and see how your disposition changes throughout that jaunt. I guarantee the words, "Fuck!" and "Damn!" will leave your lips at some point during that period.
The only good thing about this glacial climate is that I get to laugh at clueless tourists who actually do leave their hotels with only a map, sunglasses, bus fare and flip-flops.
The look on their faces when the fog starts to roll in: Priceless. There's nothing like walking by a Touristsicle: freezing cold and clueless, "Is this our stop? I'm cold." Ahh, warms my belly.
So while I endure this test called July, I'm counting down the days till I return to RVA for a visit. 5 whole days in the sun and humidity. I never thought I'd miss the humidity of Richmond but these days it's all I long for. Here's to you East Coast, I'll never doubt your warmth again. Amen.
That fine quote is attributed to Mark Twain. It may have well been the words of a laughingly omniscient G-O-D because the poignancy/venom of that statement is the unique essence of truth.
This is my first proper Summer in SF as I arrived on September 1st, 2007 (that's right, I'm coming up on my anniversary--no longer a newbie) and I've deduced that it's fucking cold here all year except for September and October. What a coincidence that my first two months here were not only blissful in my inheritance of a new city and all it's playfulness but also the two least suspect months. SF has a climate to make Juneau, Alaska say, "Haha you rich people put up with that shit?!"
Yes, Juneau, unfortunately we do. Wind from the East, Wind from the West, Wind from above, Wind from below. To leave your house in SF without a jacket is not only a sin but also a Deathwish. No need to see Charles Bronson, just go for an hour walk in Havanas sandals without a hoodie and see how your disposition changes throughout that jaunt. I guarantee the words, "Fuck!" and "Damn!" will leave your lips at some point during that period.
The only good thing about this glacial climate is that I get to laugh at clueless tourists who actually do leave their hotels with only a map, sunglasses, bus fare and flip-flops.
The look on their faces when the fog starts to roll in: Priceless. There's nothing like walking by a Touristsicle: freezing cold and clueless, "Is this our stop? I'm cold." Ahh, warms my belly.
So while I endure this test called July, I'm counting down the days till I return to RVA for a visit. 5 whole days in the sun and humidity. I never thought I'd miss the humidity of Richmond but these days it's all I long for. Here's to you East Coast, I'll never doubt your warmth again. Amen.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Where are all the Black People?
Upon moving to SF I definitely asked my friends, "Where are all the Black People?". It's a humorous question and a relevant, serious question at the same time. SF seems like it consists solely of White, Asian and Hispanic populations. Matter of fact, I do get surprised when I see blacks outside of the Tenderloin, Fillmore, Western Addition, Bayview and SoMa--it pains me to say this.
You're probably reading this thinking, "Is he serious?". Most definitely.
If you've been to the Bay Area then you know Dave Chappelle wasn't joking when he observed, "I was wondering where y'all put all the n*&%!s, then I went over that bridge...Welcome to Oakland bitch!"
Apparently the reverse diaspora of blacks leaving urban areas isn't just an anomaly of the Bay Area: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121642866373567057.html
Gavin Newsom has a great quote in the opening. California Soul?
You're probably reading this thinking, "Is he serious?". Most definitely.
If you've been to the Bay Area then you know Dave Chappelle wasn't joking when he observed, "I was wondering where y'all put all the n*&%!s, then I went over that bridge...Welcome to Oakland bitch!"
Apparently the reverse diaspora of blacks leaving urban areas isn't just an anomaly of the Bay Area: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121642866373567057.html
Gavin Newsom has a great quote in the opening. California Soul?
Friday, July 18, 2008
This Sidewalk Isn't Big Enough for the 3 of Us
San Francisco is a very walkable city. We pride ourselves in our cyclists/pedestrian-friendly ways. So much so that we have utter disdain for cars and their drivers. We often abuse the "yield for pedestrian" laws with reckless ambivalence.
Between the shuffling homeless dudes pushing carts full of everything (and I mean everything) and the oblivious tourists bopping to their iPods, jaywalking and sloooowww street crossings are a common occurrence. If you're a driver it's a recipe for a huge ol' plate of Road Rage.
As a transplant from VA, where i used to mash on the motorway and was full of more road rage than Michael Douglas in "Falling Down", I was happy to relinquish my car upon moving here. My commutes now consists of walking, riding buses, BART and MUNI trains. It's a relief in all senses of the word. I get a little exercise, the world moves a little slower and I'm less stressed...usually.
But the way of the pedestrian is not all puppy dogs and ice cream. I still get pissed from time to time. My gripes range from "people don't know how to walk" to "the sidewalks are too narrow".
Now let's go back to that first quote: What do you mean "People don't know how to walk"? People in SF (especially tourists) have no concept of personal space. They walk the streets aimlessly looking around as if they're waiting for the sky to collapse on their heads. In doing so, they completely ignore the fact that I'm walking behind them, motivated with a place to be and a time to be there.
A reoccuring example of this is on the escalators where people don't understand that escalators are like freeways: the right is the slow lane, the left is the passing lane. Simple shit right? Not here apparently. In London or NYC they'd verbally castrate stragglers on the left who prevent you from making it to your train. But we're nice here. It's SF. We deal out polite, "excuse me's" instead.
The escalators can be the pitts but the true vexation lies in my neighborhood streets. I live in Glen Park which neighbors Noe Valley to the south and thus has a similar demographic of residents: Young couples with babies. Yes, my neighborhood is mostly prams and mom's circumventing the 'hood doing whatever it is they do.
***
What's beef? Beef is when you're trying to get past a mom with a kid in a stroller and a kid holding her hand; hogging the sidewalk worse than a Hummer in an Eastern European back alley. I can't even count the number of times I've been walked off a sidewalk or even worse, almost mowed down by a mom's stroller.
What gets me even more heated is the fact that the parents and kids have this attitude like we owe them the sidewalk. Like we should have no qualms about climbing a fucking tree so they can get past. Why should I roll out the red carpet for them to pass on by?
This predicament often puts me in a sticky situation: Do i take the moral high road--step aside or do i just put my shoulder down like Earl Campbell and plow through some families? Obviously I take the high road and do my best matador impersonation. But if i could, man...bad, dark things would transpire.
Have you ever seen anyone punt an infant and then throw a stroller at a pregnant lady?
And these parents, these fucking parents are the worst because they don't even acknowledge your efforts to dodge them. They're so into little Trevor and Jackson that they don't even say "hi" or better yet "excuse me". They just roll past you like you were a cobweb in an attic.
I haven't figured it out just yet but I'm gonna take my sidewalk back. Yeah...know dat.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Cristiano Ronaldo in LA!
It's a varitable right of passage for any young starlet--You go to Los Angeles for some event, you go to the clubs and watch the paparazzi madness ensue.
Our young C-Ron just happened to be in La-La Land this week for ESPN's Espy Awards. While in Hollywood Cristiano took in some bottle service at Villa with his entourage and guess who happened to stop by...wait for it, wait for it...Paris Hilton. Yes! Paris herself was seen hitting on our favorite Eurotrash footballer.
Even better then the sheer velocity of these two worlds colliding (and the seeming inevitability of sloppy club makeout sessions) was the fact that C-Ron showed no amusement with Paris' flirtations.
I imagine him asking someone (in Portuguese), "How do you say 'Keep your stank pussy away from me' in English?" I don't know how to say that but I imagine a form of the words "culo" and "puta" somewhere in there.
The recounts of this top night out by the innocent bystanders are quite hilarious and ego-rific.
The good, the bad, the ugly:
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/topstories/2008/07/17/cristiano-ronaldo-snubs-paris-hilton-on-10k-night-of-booze-and-dancing-in-los-angeles-89520-20651635/
Our young C-Ron just happened to be in La-La Land this week for ESPN's Espy Awards. While in Hollywood Cristiano took in some bottle service at Villa with his entourage and guess who happened to stop by...wait for it, wait for it...Paris Hilton. Yes! Paris herself was seen hitting on our favorite Eurotrash footballer.
Even better then the sheer velocity of these two worlds colliding (and the seeming inevitability of sloppy club makeout sessions) was the fact that C-Ron showed no amusement with Paris' flirtations.
I imagine him asking someone (in Portuguese), "How do you say 'Keep your stank pussy away from me' in English?" I don't know how to say that but I imagine a form of the words "culo" and "puta" somewhere in there.
The recounts of this top night out by the innocent bystanders are quite hilarious and ego-rific.
The good, the bad, the ugly:
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/topstories/2008/07/17/cristiano-ronaldo-snubs-paris-hilton-on-10k-night-of-booze-and-dancing-in-los-angeles-89520-20651635/
Hater in the City
Regular readers of my blog will notice that I love to get my hate on in these pages. I call it criticism but admittedly...sometimes I do love to hate.
Is it because I demand more from the world around me? Is it because I'm unhappy with my current position in life? Is it because I find humor in the weirdness and nadir of modern society?
You be the judge.
I'm just talking. Putting opinions out there like free lollipops for you to take and enjoy. I'm not perfect but neither is the environment I exist in. Plus, it's all shits and giggles anyway.
In the words of Dave Chappelle as Silky Johnson, "Aw hate hate hate, hate hate hate hate hate."
Enough of the PSA. Shall we do a list?!
Signs SF Summers are Too Cold:
-"Ooooh! Leather bomber jackets are on sale! I'll take two!"
-Flip-flops=red feet
-"No, no that's fog not smog."
-Scarves because they're a necessity not an accessory.
-"I'm thinking of letting my hair grow for the Summer. Ya know extra insulation."
-The SF Polar Bear dive is in July.
-Dogs and owners wearing matching sweaters.
Is it because I demand more from the world around me? Is it because I'm unhappy with my current position in life? Is it because I find humor in the weirdness and nadir of modern society?
You be the judge.
I'm just talking. Putting opinions out there like free lollipops for you to take and enjoy. I'm not perfect but neither is the environment I exist in. Plus, it's all shits and giggles anyway.
In the words of Dave Chappelle as Silky Johnson, "Aw hate hate hate, hate hate hate hate hate."
Enough of the PSA. Shall we do a list?!
Signs SF Summers are Too Cold:
-"Ooooh! Leather bomber jackets are on sale! I'll take two!"
-Flip-flops=red feet
-"No, no that's fog not smog."
-Scarves because they're a necessity not an accessory.
-"I'm thinking of letting my hair grow for the Summer. Ya know extra insulation."
-The SF Polar Bear dive is in July.
-Dogs and owners wearing matching sweaters.
A Note to Men's Magazine Editors
Quit it. Just stop son, stop. Enough. Basta!
There is no need to keep having photo spreads with the hottt hotties in scantily clad clothes sitting or stretching or poutily posing in a diner next to a half eaten burger and greasy, ketchupy fries.
The juxtapostion never worked for the viewers and it will never work.
Is it supposed to be ironic? "Ahh irony!" Or is it just moronic?
Yeah, I know it's playing up the "I look like this but I eat this and I CAN GET AWAY WITH IT" angle. But it's not cute. Quit it. It stinks.
Hater out.
There is no need to keep having photo spreads with the hottt hotties in scantily clad clothes sitting or stretching or poutily posing in a diner next to a half eaten burger and greasy, ketchupy fries.
The juxtapostion never worked for the viewers and it will never work.
Is it supposed to be ironic? "Ahh irony!" Or is it just moronic?
Yeah, I know it's playing up the "I look like this but I eat this and I CAN GET AWAY WITH IT" angle. But it's not cute. Quit it. It stinks.
Hater out.
Monday, July 14, 2008
The Fist-Bump Heard Round the World
Obama Drama. If my man wins it's gonna be a very controversial four years to come.
It looks like the New Yorker is dragging the saga over the "terrorist fist-bump" further and further into the muck. A lot of people are gonna miss the joke when they peep this magazine cover.
Bad move, New Yorker, bad move. Obamaphobia!
The goods: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/07/14/politics/politico/main4257077.shtml?source=mostpop_story
It looks like the New Yorker is dragging the saga over the "terrorist fist-bump" further and further into the muck. A lot of people are gonna miss the joke when they peep this magazine cover.
Bad move, New Yorker, bad move. Obamaphobia!
The goods: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/07/14/politics/politico/main4257077.shtml?source=mostpop_story
Thursday, July 10, 2008
A Judas in our midst?
The ongoing saga of where Cristiano Ronaldo will play his club football next year is coming to a head.After brash statements today in which C-Ron agreed with Fifa President/Idiot with a mic--Sepp Blatter in his sentiments describing the modern footballer as a "slave to his club", it seems that Manchester United's brightest star will become part of Real Madrid's galaxy.
And I thought the Era of the Galacticos was over. Apparently Real Madrid will do anything to sell shirts and flaunt talent.
To a die hard Man U. supporter such as myself, Ronaldo's desire to leave Man U. for Madrid is sheer blasphemy. He's coming off a 42 goal season in which he's likely to garner every award offered (meanwhile there's talk of the eccentric Ballon d'or going to Casillas or Torres--does anyone really respect this award anymore? Remember Cannavaro?). Man U. did the double as a result of his superb efforts last season and yet in true "What have you done for me lately" fashion he's tempted to leave the team and coaching staff that's made him the best player in the world at the moment for uncharted waters in Madrid.
C-Ron is undeniably the Man at Man U. Madrid on the other hand has more pretty boys and egos than a Hard Body contest in the Castro. You know what they say about too many cooks...
This whole saga stinks to high heaven. Although nothing is confirmed and the media likes a story in July, when there's nothing to report on besides where players spent their Holidays and who's returning to training camp overweight, this story does have legs. C-Ron hasn't said that he's staying at Man U. but he has expressed his desire to go to Madrid. So much can be said in what isn't said at all.
What reasons does he have to leave Man U.? Is it because he's done all he's set out to do there? Is it because his mentor Carlos Quieroz is primed to take the helm for Portuguese national team? Is it because his hot Spanish girlfriend prefers home-cooking to the cold Winters in Northern England? Decisions, decisions.
Whatever the factors may be it'll be a shame if That Boy Ronaldo is wearing all white next year in favor of the Red he looks so good in.
Say it ain't so Ronaldo. Say it ain't so.
The funny: http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m269/Eternal_DiZ/Slaveryaldo.gif
The Luckiest Unlucky Man
Imagine having the winning Lottery ticket...then discarding it, then realizing that you have a receipt that validates you as the winner(Huzzah!), then having to wait a year to reap the spoils of your convenience store purchase.
That's this guy's reality: http://www.nypost.com/seven/07102008/news/regionalnews/losers_65m_win_119253.htm
That's this guy's reality: http://www.nypost.com/seven/07102008/news/regionalnews/losers_65m_win_119253.htm
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
The Best Sandwiches in Town
After a hiatus from eating out at lunch (due to sage thriftiness), I returned to my fave downtown haunt today: 'Wichcraft. This is, in my opinion, the best sandwich place in SF. If you haven't been, go. If you haven't been recently, go. You won't be disappointed.
I've tasted several different sandwiches from 'Wichcraft and the Roasted Turkey with avocado, bacon and aioli on ciabatta is my fave. The soups and desserts are also delicious. Make sure to leave with a Cremewich in your bag to satisfy your sweet tooth--delectable.
The service is fast, efficient and cordial. They even have a punch card for frequent customers (I'm a few notches away from a free sando!).
The ambiance is more that of an open bistro (high ceilings and columns instead of walls) rather than a sandwich joint. Even further justification for a visit is that it's owned by Tom Colicchio of "Top Chef" fame. 'Nuff said.
Wichcraft is a definite destination and soon to be institution amidst the hussle of downtown SF.
The goods: http://www.wichcraftnyc.com/
I've tasted several different sandwiches from 'Wichcraft and the Roasted Turkey with avocado, bacon and aioli on ciabatta is my fave. The soups and desserts are also delicious. Make sure to leave with a Cremewich in your bag to satisfy your sweet tooth--delectable.
The service is fast, efficient and cordial. They even have a punch card for frequent customers (I'm a few notches away from a free sando!).
The ambiance is more that of an open bistro (high ceilings and columns instead of walls) rather than a sandwich joint. Even further justification for a visit is that it's owned by Tom Colicchio of "Top Chef" fame. 'Nuff said.
Wichcraft is a definite destination and soon to be institution amidst the hussle of downtown SF.
The goods: http://www.wichcraftnyc.com/
Spying on Us
The Gubment decided to continue its unjustifiable spying on us. What else is new you might ask?
I especially love the quote saying, "The bill will keep us safe and protect our liberties."
What liberties?
The news: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92383286
I especially love the quote saying, "The bill will keep us safe and protect our liberties."
What liberties?
The news: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92383286
Friday, July 4, 2008
How We're Spending Our Independence Day
-At the hospital, embarrased. Fireworks. Nuff said.-Running through the streets, naked, except for that beautiful rag we call the "Stars and Stripes" tied around your neck like a cape.
-Budweiser in your right hand, Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" blaring out of your mouth.
-Racing your friend's black Camaro with your red Mustang convertible named "Sally". The only winner in the end is the Fuzz.
-Baseball game, too many hot dogs, sunglasses, sweat, kids, cotton candy, fireworks.
-Drinking "WMD's" and Hard Lemonade at the lake house with dudes you thought you knew.
-Extinguishing fires from unwatched grills.
-Stuck in traffic.
-Drunk.
-Nursing a pulled hammy from the family Softball game. At least you went 2-3 with 2 RBIs.
-Watching "Independence Day" and saying, "Damn, Will Smith has come a looooong way! Where's Bill Pullman these days?"
Essential Reading
"The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" by Junot Diaz won the Pulitzer for Fiction for a reason.
It's everything...and everything.
Truly inspirational.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
BumRush
Along with being Reason #27 why the Terrorists Hate us, Rush Limbaugh is a loud-mouthed, wind-bag full of fabrications and devoid of worth. Media juggernaut Clear Channel thought that ol' Rush is worth a 9 figure contract extension.
The fact that he'll make more than A-Rod for yapping right-wing bullshit and popping oxycontin like tic tacs more than chuffs my ass. So this is what it's come to America? Really?
Imus still has a job in front of a microphone after his second racist comment in the last year and now this clown gets an extension? This is some diabolical crap.
Happy July 4th suckas! Canada is beginning to look sexier and sexier.
The bad news: http://omg.yahoo.com/news/radio-host-limbaugh-talkin-big-payday/10412?nc
The fact that he'll make more than A-Rod for yapping right-wing bullshit and popping oxycontin like tic tacs more than chuffs my ass. So this is what it's come to America? Really?
Imus still has a job in front of a microphone after his second racist comment in the last year and now this clown gets an extension? This is some diabolical crap.
Happy July 4th suckas! Canada is beginning to look sexier and sexier.
The bad news: http://omg.yahoo.com/news/radio-host-limbaugh-talkin-big-payday/10412?nc
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Hi-Fi
I'm currently watching High Fidelity starring John Cusack and Jack Black and (don't forget) Lisa Bonet. Damn, I forgot how good this film is! It's like a fine wine--it gets better with age.At first I didn't get it. I thought it was just one big sob story (get over yourself Cusack!). I couldn't wrap my head around it because I hadn't suffered that kind of heartbreak yet (It came out in 2000). I'd been hurt but it was on some high school "I can't date you becuase you're black" or "I'm not looking for a serious relationship" type bullshit. Even though I'm a hopeless romantic, those scars heal.
I was never and still am not the "date around" type. As my former roommate put it, "Jamaal, you're a serial monogamist". I couldn't have said it any better. I am what I am. I is what I is. Hate it or love it.
Anyways, High Fidelity makes sense now. It makes perfect sense to me now. Not because I'm jaded (I'm very much in love thank you). I guess I just grew up. I still laugh at fart jokes but I can also wrap my head around more than pre-processed, watered down satirical wit, you feel me?
And they break down the 4th wall. Damn I love it when they break down the 4th wall!
Enough banter, on with the list:
Fave Lines from "High Fidelity":
-"Look at you, you're wearing a Cosby sweater. A Cosssssby Sweater!"
-"We were going to be called Kathleen Turner Overdrive..."
-"I wanna live with a musician. I wanna have a picture of myself in the liner notes"
-"It wasn't spectacular either. It was just...good. But, really good."
-"It was a sneaky lawyer's trick, and I fell for it...because she's much smarter than me."
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Celebrity Watch
After being in NYC, SF and SoCal in the course of week I naturally ran into a few celebs amidst my travels. Here's the low:
-DJ Steve Aoki--Seen getting into a cab at JFK in NYC. No where near as hot as his sister.
-Mary Louise Parker (aka Nancy Botwin)--walked by me, incognito stylee on her mobile in Disneyland just before the Saturday night fireworks. I've never seen eyes so big.
-G. Love--"This is my friend Gary." Yeah I met Mr. Special Sauce in a bar in the Meatpacking District in NYC. Very cordial, cool guy.
Do you know how to cut Black Hair?
Since I cut my locks back in February I've been on the hunt for an adequate barber in SF. Someone that does a solid job and doesn't put my wallet in the figure four leg lock while doing so.
I have a go-to-girl for faux hawks in the Castro but I've been in need of a no-nonsense guy to handle the basic black man haircut maintenance (i.e.--shape ups, fades and line-ups). After going the budget route in various neighborhoods I admitted defeat and dissatisfaction. I realized there was only one answer in SF: I need to go to the Fillmore and get a man of color to do it right.
But how would I find the right barbershop?
I consulted www.yelp.com naturally and was somewhat nonplussed that all the black barbershops (2 of them) only had a handful of Yelp reviews. I guess black dudes don't do Yelp reviews.
I made my way to one of the chain barber shops in the Western Additon yesterday and was satisfied with my line up. Only $10 and no fuss while waiting patiently. It seems that my search has ended. I was contemplating heading to Oakland simply for a 10 min. cut but alas I have found my barber. I am comforted. I have found solace.
I have a go-to-girl for faux hawks in the Castro but I've been in need of a no-nonsense guy to handle the basic black man haircut maintenance (i.e.--shape ups, fades and line-ups). After going the budget route in various neighborhoods I admitted defeat and dissatisfaction. I realized there was only one answer in SF: I need to go to the Fillmore and get a man of color to do it right.
But how would I find the right barbershop?
I consulted www.yelp.com naturally and was somewhat nonplussed that all the black barbershops (2 of them) only had a handful of Yelp reviews. I guess black dudes don't do Yelp reviews.
I made my way to one of the chain barber shops in the Western Additon yesterday and was satisfied with my line up. Only $10 and no fuss while waiting patiently. It seems that my search has ended. I was contemplating heading to Oakland simply for a 10 min. cut but alas I have found my barber. I am comforted. I have found solace.
The One and Only
A couple of Summers ago I said that I was gonna curb my Netflix queue so that I could watch all of Spike Lee's films. I never completed the task but I unearthed some gems that I had slept on: "She Hate Me", "Mo Better Blues" and "Girl 6" among them.
My parents never got babysitters for me so I saw all of those Spike Lee classics that, debateably, a pre-teen shouldn't see. Yeah I saw the "bonin" on the desk in "Jungle Fever". Mmmmmookie in "Do the Right Thing". And Denzel floating along while "whooah ooo whoah, change gon' come" played in the background in "Malcolm X".
I'll never forget sitting in the backseat of the Accord after Malcolm X, full of energy after sitting still for three hours, ready to talk talk talk only to be met with discerning silence by my parents.
I didn't grasp the concepts in that film completely at the time, but I knew that they were heavier than anything I'd fathomed to that point of my life. Later, when I revisited the film in my adulthood it all clicked. The gravity of it all created one of those seminal moments in my life. Most of Spike Lee's films are like that for me. He may not kill it at the box office but he always challenges us to think about ourselves and laugh at ourselves. A true auteur, leader and revolutionary.
The goods: http://www.okayplayer.com/content/view/5938/60/
My parents never got babysitters for me so I saw all of those Spike Lee classics that, debateably, a pre-teen shouldn't see. Yeah I saw the "bonin" on the desk in "Jungle Fever". Mmmmmookie in "Do the Right Thing". And Denzel floating along while "whooah ooo whoah, change gon' come" played in the background in "Malcolm X".
I'll never forget sitting in the backseat of the Accord after Malcolm X, full of energy after sitting still for three hours, ready to talk talk talk only to be met with discerning silence by my parents.
I didn't grasp the concepts in that film completely at the time, but I knew that they were heavier than anything I'd fathomed to that point of my life. Later, when I revisited the film in my adulthood it all clicked. The gravity of it all created one of those seminal moments in my life. Most of Spike Lee's films are like that for me. He may not kill it at the box office but he always challenges us to think about ourselves and laugh at ourselves. A true auteur, leader and revolutionary.
The goods: http://www.okayplayer.com/content/view/5938/60/
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Black is Beautiful
Why don't we see more Black models?I'm not talking about Video Ho's. I'm talking about actual Black models.
After scratching my chin and casting my eyes to the heavens in deep contemplation, I can only name the following black models: Naomi "i love to throw cell phones at my assistants" Campbell, Alek Wek, Veronica Webb, Tyra Banks, Eva Pigford, Toccara and Tyson.
But if you ask me to name some white models I can come up with Christy Turlington, Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, Molly Sims, Heidi Klum, Gisele Bundchen and Kate Moss without even taking a breath. And that's just the surface.
Is the Industry prejudiced? Is this simply a microcosm of the White Man's World which we live in? There are so many questions to be asked in concerns to this topic.
Big ups to Italian Vogue for (Sayin' it loud and) doing an All-Black issue!
Tisk-tisk (and a FUCK YOU) to American Vogue for being beaten to the punch. How many more blacks live in America than Italia?
Read and discuss:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/19/fashion/19BLACK.html?_r=1&ref=style&oref=slogin
Read and discuss:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/19/fashion/19BLACK.html?_r=1&ref=style&oref=slogin
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Get it Together Grouch!
If you didn't know my job is located at the edge of the Tenderloin District which is conveniently located near the Shopping District and the droves of unassuming tourists--I get the best of both worlds. To further clarify my sarcasm, the Tenderloin is the armpit of SF.
Part of the fun of working in this heavily drug trafficked, thug laden, pusher ridden, fiend frequented, street bum haven is encountering more characters than a Hanna-Barbera Family Reunion. Thus, I'm a bit vexed after a couple of incidents this week in which I was accosted outside of my job by street people. Bombastic bumstastic!
All I can do is throw my palms in the air and shrug shoulders when recollecting the following events:
Monday: While walking out of the office at 5 in midst of a convo with my colleague, a red-hooded man walks by us and seethes through his mustard yellow teeth, "I don't give a fuck!" while looking me dead in the eye.
That'll break up any train of thought.
Today: Headed to lunch with a colleague and I hear this guy comingup behind me. Actually, I can smell this guy coming up behind me. Next I FEEL this guy as he's up my back, hot breath on my neck, change cup in my face.
Bumalicious Bum: "Sparesomechangebrotha?"
Me: "Nah, man. No change here."
Bumalicious Bum: "Next time you shouldn't try to embarass me in front of a so called beautiful lady." (At this point Janna and I look at each other completely nonplussed. The stones on this guy!)
Me: "Whatever man. Go get hit by a car." ( I say this as he wanders into oncoming traffic at the busy 5th and Market Intersection and is about to accost another petrified pedestrian).
All I can say is...Bay Area Represent!
Part of the fun of working in this heavily drug trafficked, thug laden, pusher ridden, fiend frequented, street bum haven is encountering more characters than a Hanna-Barbera Family Reunion. Thus, I'm a bit vexed after a couple of incidents this week in which I was accosted outside of my job by street people. Bombastic bumstastic!
All I can do is throw my palms in the air and shrug shoulders when recollecting the following events:
Monday: While walking out of the office at 5 in midst of a convo with my colleague, a red-hooded man walks by us and seethes through his mustard yellow teeth, "I don't give a fuck!" while looking me dead in the eye.
That'll break up any train of thought.
Today: Headed to lunch with a colleague and I hear this guy comingup behind me. Actually, I can smell this guy coming up behind me. Next I FEEL this guy as he's up my back, hot breath on my neck, change cup in my face.
Bumalicious Bum: "Sparesomechangebrotha?"
Me: "Nah, man. No change here."
Bumalicious Bum: "Next time you shouldn't try to embarass me in front of a so called beautiful lady." (At this point Janna and I look at each other completely nonplussed. The stones on this guy!)
Me: "Whatever man. Go get hit by a car." ( I say this as he wanders into oncoming traffic at the busy 5th and Market Intersection and is about to accost another petrified pedestrian).
All I can say is...Bay Area Represent!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Kings of Leon New Album Slated for September '08
Haircuts. Tight jeans. Rock star posturing. Vests. Guitars. Pills. Women. Booze.
It all sounds a bit tedious.
My favorite knucklehead Tennessee rock band the Kings of Leon have a new album slated for September release. Apparently when they're not drinking or pill-popping or beatin each other down they're in the studio or touring.
There are some youtube clips of them debuting new tracks if you wanna search.
In the meantime, proof: http://www.kingsofleon.com/gallery/pics/Rolling_Stone-_6.12.jpg
It all sounds a bit tedious.
My favorite knucklehead Tennessee rock band the Kings of Leon have a new album slated for September release. Apparently when they're not drinking or pill-popping or beatin each other down they're in the studio or touring.
There are some youtube clips of them debuting new tracks if you wanna search.
In the meantime, proof: http://www.kingsofleon.com/gallery/pics/Rolling_Stone-_6.12.jpg
Fear the Beard
Stumbled across this site: www.fearthebeard.org
Highlights include an Obama throwback jersey and watching Baron Davis perform random Acts of Kindness in Downtown SF. Bay Areaaaaaa!
Highlights include an Obama throwback jersey and watching Baron Davis perform random Acts of Kindness in Downtown SF. Bay Areaaaaaa!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Kanye=Megalomaniac
Laaa la la la. Wait til I get my showtime right!
Obviously you can't tell Kanye nothin'. This is no way to treat the fans. Damn.
http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/61281870
Obviously you can't tell Kanye nothin'. This is no way to treat the fans. Damn.
http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/61281870
Is R. Kelly Worse than O.J.?
So we all know there's a special place in Hell reserved for O.J. Simpson. The Juice may be the worst guy ever. 2nd place you ask? I nominate R. Kelly for Vice President of Deuchebagland.
How this motherfucker (or should I say kiddiefucker) got off (pun intended) is beyond me. He should be locked under the jail with the key to his cell so far gone that even Indiana Jones couldn't fathom how to find it.
The fact that his music still gets play on the radio and that the Black community still supports him is an absolute travesty. He's a pedophile. Simply put.
Lock his ass up!
And I'm sick of people saying, "He's phreaky" and playing his songs to "get in the mood". It's audio porn. He's talking about his creeeeepy fantasies.
Someone should definitely spit in his face and kick him in the nuts.
The verdict:
There's Elian!
Per my Elian Gonzalez reference a few posts ago..we've found him!
Apparently he's 14 now and (get this) a Communist!
You go boy!
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601086&sid=avSr1VJRaLpA&refer=latin_america
Apparently he's 14 now and (get this) a Communist!
You go boy!
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601086&sid=avSr1VJRaLpA&refer=latin_america
Gay men and Straight Women Think Alike? I would've never guessed it!
To whomever funded this research, Can I borrow $50,000? Obviously you have enough money to waste. I coulda written a research paper on this for $200.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080616/lf_nm_life/brain_gay_dc
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080616/lf_nm_life/brain_gay_dc
The Future is Now
"The Honda FCX Clarity, which runs on hydrogen and electricity, emits only water and none of the noxious fumes believed to induce global warming. It is also two times more energy efficient than a gas-electric hybrid and three times that of a standard gasoline-powered car, the company says."
A car with no emissions. Sounds farfetched, no? Sounds hard to find, no? Not if you're a SoCal celeb:
http://green.yahoo.com/news/ap/20080616/ap_on_bi_ge/japan_honda.html
A car with no emissions. Sounds farfetched, no? Sounds hard to find, no? Not if you're a SoCal celeb:
http://green.yahoo.com/news/ap/20080616/ap_on_bi_ge/japan_honda.html
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