Summer "Dont's"

June is almost here and I hear Summer is on the way (I wouldn't know because I live in perpetually breezy SF).

Shall we dig in with a List? Say word! Sho' nuff:

-Socks and sandals (unless you're Eastern European...because then it's just innate)

-Two piece bathing suits when you should be wearing a one piece (You know who you are)

-American flags (America is so 1997. This is Luxembourg's year!)

-Spending money on gas

-Sweating (Welcome to San Francisco where Summer begins in September)

-Visors (What works in the garden and on the Golf Course doesn't translate to the streets)

-Wristbands on your forearm

-Headbands (Did you ever think that work out for you? C'mon now!)

-Tube tops (Guaranteed to fail miserably on 97.3% of all women. Do you feel lucky today?)

-Jellies

-Heavy meals (Fact: Heat + superfluously full bellies = diarrhea. Know dat)

-Jorts (Just fucking give it up already you scenester prick)