Proof You're Only Visiting San Francisco for the Holidays

-American flag hat

-You're a fan of Ann Coulter

-"Where do they make the Rice-a-Roni?"

-You're easily jostled around on the Muni like a pair of boots in a dryer

-While walking at a snail's pace along Market St., you're constantly looking up at nothing in particular.

-While walking through the Castro you laughingly blurt out the phrase, "Gay-borhood!"

-Continually complaining about the hills

-You have absolutely no qualms about staring at strangers

-You thought the phrases "Tender Knob" and "Knobby Loin" were allusions to seedy strip clubs

-"What's a Craigslist?"

-You get caught littering

-You feel guilty for not giving to the "homeless" kids in Haight-Ashbury

-"What the hell does 'hella' mean?"

-"Awww that's so cute! They named the rail system after Bart Simpson!"

-Upon seeing the fog roll in you ask, "Where's the smoke coming from?"

-You find the stench of piss on every corner in SoMa "strange and disconcerting"