Peta's quest for shock value hit an all-time low. The hyperbolic activist organization has trod on sacred land by suggesting that Ben & Jerry's start using human breast milk instead of cow's milk. Marinade on that for a moment...yeah, it's like that.
The madness: http://www.peta.org/mc/NewsItem.asp?id=11993
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Le Facebook
Apparently your Facebook Profile correlates to your level of narcissim. I would've never guessed this without the aid of these brilliant scientists. Thank you scientists! You're so fucking brilliant.
The obvious: http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080926/sc_livescience/facebookprofilesoutnarcissists
The obvious: http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080926/sc_livescience/facebookprofilesoutnarcissists
Monday, September 22, 2008
Death From Above
This is an excerpt from my diary. I was en route to Richmond, Va from SF via a red eye when everything seemed to go wrong.
Right now, I am not where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be hovering in an express sized jet plane over VA. I'm supposed to be giddy with anticipation of what this day has beheld to me. I'm supposed to be elated. I'm supposed to be home.
Instead I sit by my lonesome near the vacant Air Canada luggage carousel in Newark at the patriotically renamed "Liberty International Airport". Alone. Tired. Heated. Impatient.
The plan was to catch a red eye flight from SF to Newark then to RVA. Simple as peach cobbler, no? Well, little did I know that my flight would leave SFO 90 plus minutes late. Damn.
"This is gonna be a long night." I said to the cute, fatigued Danish blonde standing next to me. She too was weary. She looked to be on the last legs of a long vacation. My guess was right. She'd spent a month in SF and worked in a trip to Portland for good measure. Her name is Leah and she was visiting her brother who lives in Ingleside near City College and SF's version of suburbia.
Before she flashed her Danish passport I wouldn't have guessed her to be from Copenhagen. She spoke without a discernible accent. Actually, her accent sounded American; a mash up of NYC and everywhereville. She spoke English flawlessly (as I imagine all Northern Europeans to). Even I hesitate more than she did (I'd like to attribute this to my expansive vocabulary but that's debateable).
After several minutes of conversation with Leah, and her exemplifying a kung-fu grip on the English language, I had only one though on my mind: I wish I was a polyglot.
As we were boarding I realized I wasn't gonna make my connection from Newark to Richmond. I voiced this to Leah and she seemed more concerned than me.
"They'll work it out." she said confidently.
I agreed and thus the battle of being pissed was forfeited...so I thought.
I find my seat and bid adieu to my single-serving friend. I'm seated next to a window on the left wing of the plane. To my right is a tall, sunkissed, long-lashed girl in her early 20's. We both put our lights on in order to read. I'm enjoying Dave Sedaris' latest compilation of short stories. I haven't read him in ages so I'm relishing every simile.
Around page 94 I decide to catch a nap. This is always a Sisyphean chore for me. I'm a light sleeper and planes feel claustrophobic, especially this one (sardines would be unsettled in this motherfucker). Add to my discontent the fact that there aren't any tv screens. I've been spoiled by Jet Blue, Virgin and other modern airlines. The fact that this 757 has a 4.5 hour flight ahead and no tvs leaves me utterly nonplussed. Yes I have my book but sometimes you just wanna look up and see CNN or Sportscenter.
If you haven't figured it out yet these factors will lead to create the perfect shit storm.
So, post Dave Sedaris, I'm trying to get some z's and I'm actually getting some. I'm comfy and really digging my current status in a hibernative state. Then...the sound that awoke me from my idyllic slumber was unlike that of any I'd ever heard.
I can make comparisons but it was a unique sound. Pure fear. That's the way I'd put it, pure fear.
These fearful shreiks belonged to a 225 lbs. women 3 seats over from me. These were shreiks of ecstacy-cum-desperation. It was like combining an orgasm with "Oh shit! We're all gonna die in a few moments." A deathgasm.
As this huge banshee wailed, everyone awoke and there were a few moments (which seemed like two eternities) before anyone reacted. It was like I was watching it unravel in slow motion.
"Is this really happening?", I thought.
The lady went on for about two minutes before I could think of the perfect cynical, smartass quip. Just as I'm about to utter said quip to the leggy girl next to me I realize she's doing damage control on the future contestant from "The Biggest Loser". It turns out that my neighbor is the daughter of the terrified beast.
Needless to say I was glad I kept my trap closed. In case you were wondering, here's what I would've said:
"Will somone gag her?"
"Somebody strap a parachute on her, bless her, open the back door and boot her in that fat ass. She'll land somewhere in a cornfield in Middle America where she belongs."
"(Said in a general mocking tone) Help me! Help me! Help me! Shut the fuck up I'm trying to catch some z's!
Things of this nature crossed my mind but not my lips. I'm a nice guy. I don't say stuff like that...I just think it.
In the end she stopped screaming and panting and fidgeting and sweating. Turns out she hates flying and the moderate turbulence we were feeling was "scary". To me the turbulence felt like a rocking chair; wisking me off to dreamtopia. Evidently to her this episode of shakes felt like that "I'm gay!" moment in "Almost Famous".
After this hyperbole of an anxiety attack I couldn't get back into my sleeping zone. My heart was racing and I had one eye open monitoring the status of fatty boom blatty. I had images of an emergency landing where we screeched into O'Hare, jettisoning her immediately into a wheelchair accompanied by an oxygen tank.
Alas, we made it past the rough spots and in the end my devilish mind could only drift to regaling my friends with this episode--consumed with the hilarity of this audition for a Hitchcock movie I actually managed to laugh out loud the way you do when you're in church, where laughing is a sin. Shame on me.
So we landed. I made it. Here I sit in Newark with some food vouchers and 5 hours before my plane to RVA. I should be there by now, driving somewhere acknowledging the changes that have occurred in the year while I was away. Me, the prodigal son back for a taste of the nectar that nourished me before I depart again to my new normalcy.
It'll all come to me soon. But now, right now, I can only wait, laugh, read, write, text message and relax. I'm going nowhere for three hours so let's breathe in Newark Liberty International Airport. Only a few hours until freedom...
Right now, I am not where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be hovering in an express sized jet plane over VA. I'm supposed to be giddy with anticipation of what this day has beheld to me. I'm supposed to be elated. I'm supposed to be home.
Instead I sit by my lonesome near the vacant Air Canada luggage carousel in Newark at the patriotically renamed "Liberty International Airport". Alone. Tired. Heated. Impatient.
The plan was to catch a red eye flight from SF to Newark then to RVA. Simple as peach cobbler, no? Well, little did I know that my flight would leave SFO 90 plus minutes late. Damn.
"This is gonna be a long night." I said to the cute, fatigued Danish blonde standing next to me. She too was weary. She looked to be on the last legs of a long vacation. My guess was right. She'd spent a month in SF and worked in a trip to Portland for good measure. Her name is Leah and she was visiting her brother who lives in Ingleside near City College and SF's version of suburbia.
Before she flashed her Danish passport I wouldn't have guessed her to be from Copenhagen. She spoke without a discernible accent. Actually, her accent sounded American; a mash up of NYC and everywhereville. She spoke English flawlessly (as I imagine all Northern Europeans to). Even I hesitate more than she did (I'd like to attribute this to my expansive vocabulary but that's debateable).
After several minutes of conversation with Leah, and her exemplifying a kung-fu grip on the English language, I had only one though on my mind: I wish I was a polyglot.
As we were boarding I realized I wasn't gonna make my connection from Newark to Richmond. I voiced this to Leah and she seemed more concerned than me.
"They'll work it out." she said confidently.
I agreed and thus the battle of being pissed was forfeited...so I thought.
I find my seat and bid adieu to my single-serving friend. I'm seated next to a window on the left wing of the plane. To my right is a tall, sunkissed, long-lashed girl in her early 20's. We both put our lights on in order to read. I'm enjoying Dave Sedaris' latest compilation of short stories. I haven't read him in ages so I'm relishing every simile.
Around page 94 I decide to catch a nap. This is always a Sisyphean chore for me. I'm a light sleeper and planes feel claustrophobic, especially this one (sardines would be unsettled in this motherfucker). Add to my discontent the fact that there aren't any tv screens. I've been spoiled by Jet Blue, Virgin and other modern airlines. The fact that this 757 has a 4.5 hour flight ahead and no tvs leaves me utterly nonplussed. Yes I have my book but sometimes you just wanna look up and see CNN or Sportscenter.
If you haven't figured it out yet these factors will lead to create the perfect shit storm.
So, post Dave Sedaris, I'm trying to get some z's and I'm actually getting some. I'm comfy and really digging my current status in a hibernative state. Then...the sound that awoke me from my idyllic slumber was unlike that of any I'd ever heard.
I can make comparisons but it was a unique sound. Pure fear. That's the way I'd put it, pure fear.
These fearful shreiks belonged to a 225 lbs. women 3 seats over from me. These were shreiks of ecstacy-cum-desperation. It was like combining an orgasm with "Oh shit! We're all gonna die in a few moments." A deathgasm.
As this huge banshee wailed, everyone awoke and there were a few moments (which seemed like two eternities) before anyone reacted. It was like I was watching it unravel in slow motion.
"Is this really happening?", I thought.
The lady went on for about two minutes before I could think of the perfect cynical, smartass quip. Just as I'm about to utter said quip to the leggy girl next to me I realize she's doing damage control on the future contestant from "The Biggest Loser". It turns out that my neighbor is the daughter of the terrified beast.
Needless to say I was glad I kept my trap closed. In case you were wondering, here's what I would've said:
"Will somone gag her?"
"Somebody strap a parachute on her, bless her, open the back door and boot her in that fat ass. She'll land somewhere in a cornfield in Middle America where she belongs."
"(Said in a general mocking tone) Help me! Help me! Help me! Shut the fuck up I'm trying to catch some z's!
Things of this nature crossed my mind but not my lips. I'm a nice guy. I don't say stuff like that...I just think it.
In the end she stopped screaming and panting and fidgeting and sweating. Turns out she hates flying and the moderate turbulence we were feeling was "scary". To me the turbulence felt like a rocking chair; wisking me off to dreamtopia. Evidently to her this episode of shakes felt like that "I'm gay!" moment in "Almost Famous".
After this hyperbole of an anxiety attack I couldn't get back into my sleeping zone. My heart was racing and I had one eye open monitoring the status of fatty boom blatty. I had images of an emergency landing where we screeched into O'Hare, jettisoning her immediately into a wheelchair accompanied by an oxygen tank.
Alas, we made it past the rough spots and in the end my devilish mind could only drift to regaling my friends with this episode--consumed with the hilarity of this audition for a Hitchcock movie I actually managed to laugh out loud the way you do when you're in church, where laughing is a sin. Shame on me.
So we landed. I made it. Here I sit in Newark with some food vouchers and 5 hours before my plane to RVA. I should be there by now, driving somewhere acknowledging the changes that have occurred in the year while I was away. Me, the prodigal son back for a taste of the nectar that nourished me before I depart again to my new normalcy.
It'll all come to me soon. But now, right now, I can only wait, laugh, read, write, text message and relax. I'm going nowhere for three hours so let's breathe in Newark Liberty International Airport. Only a few hours until freedom...
Essential Reading: "The Beautiful Struggle" by Ta-Nehisi Coates
1 part "The Wire", 1 part 80's/90's Hip-hop, 1 part Black Consiousness, 1 part growing up a black male surrounded by high expectations."The Beautiful Struggle" tells an unforgettable story. I can relate to this book more than anything I've read in the past year or two.
You feel like Coates is talking to you and only you. "...you know what this is."
I can't do this justice right now. Basically, just read it then listen to "The Low End Theory" and call me, we'll discuss. Nuff said.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Where'd Our Shirt Sponsor go?
The impending economic crisis touches everything, including footy.http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1841701,00.html
Slobberknocker
I don't know whether to laugh or cry on this one. I'll laugh...a lot.
Damn, is that ecto cooler?
Damn, is that ecto cooler?
Obey
The man who made us "Obey" and remember Andre the Giant's ugly mug, Shepard Fairey, is showing currently until 10/4/08 right here in the Tenderloin."Duality of Humanity" at White Walls Gallery.
The info: http://www.whitewallssf.com/
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Rad to Riches
"Stuff White People Like" has swept the nation like Palin fever.
True Story: http://www.avclub.com/content/interview/christian_lander
True Story: http://www.avclub.com/content/interview/christian_lander
EPL on ESPN?
It looks like the 4-letter may put in a bid for rights to the EPL in the future. Uh, oh.
I heart FSC and I bet ESPN would find a way to F this up. At the same time ESPN is standard cable these days so Football (nee Soccer) would be exposed to more Americans along with ESPN being exposed to more Brits.
The story: http://sports.yahoo.com/sow/news;_ylt=Ai.NcPp.JH.WmwBbNT9p_fgmw7YF?slug=ap-foxsoccerchannel&prov=ap&type=lgns
I heart FSC and I bet ESPN would find a way to F this up. At the same time ESPN is standard cable these days so Football (nee Soccer) would be exposed to more Americans along with ESPN being exposed to more Brits.
The story: http://sports.yahoo.com/sow/news;_ylt=Ai.NcPp.JH.WmwBbNT9p_fgmw7YF?slug=ap-foxsoccerchannel&prov=ap&type=lgns
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
He's baaack...
The man who "changed football" last year may be on the bench for Man U. tomorrow night against the Yellow Submarine. He's way ahead of schedule following his ankle surgery this Summer. Is this a case of rushing him back into a side that is desperate for some offensive firepower with Scholes, Carrick and possibly Berbatov missing from the action tomorrow night against Villareal? We shall see.
One thing is for certain, Cristiano is giddy to be back on the pitch. Yippieee!
Manucho: Man U's answer to Adebayor?
Manucho may see his debut for Manchester United tomorrow. Is he the next big thing?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Kanye West - "Love Lockdown"
If the rest of the new album ("808's and Heartbreak") is on par with this then we're in for a treat.
Behold: http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/?em3106=206428_-1__0_~0_-1_5_2008_0_0&em3161=&em3281=
Behold: http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/?em3106=206428_-1__0_~0_-1_5_2008_0_0&em3161=&em3281=
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Favorite Things to Do on a Sick Day
- Watch The Price is Right (Drew Carey can't walk a mile in Bob Barker's shoes)
- Watch Ferris Buehler's Day Off
- Thoroughly dissect your Fantasy Football team
- Intense Online window shopping
- Gluttony
-Afternoon naps
- Entourage marathon
- Wikipediaing all the random things that enter your mind
- Wear pajamas all day l o n g
- Ostentatiously mocking your roommates while they leave for work
- Talking away your "Anytime minutes" for no apparent reason
- In depth research on the merits of potbelly pig ownership and domestication
Unreleased KanYe
Why didn't he ever release this? The lyrics are throw away like they ususally are with Kanye to da...
But the beat is on time.
But the beat is on time.
Common- U.M.C.
The first thing I thought upon hearing this was, "Rock, Rock, Planet Rock!" Pharrell has done it again! It's infectious and gets me even more excited about seeing N.E.R.D and Common in a few weeks.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Electioneering
If you missed Larry King's interview with Michael Moore on Friday 9/5/08 then you should go to your nearest YouTube and catch up with the rest of the class.
In the meantime, register to get a free copy of Moore's new film "Slacker Uprising" at www.slackeruprising.com. Hopefully the Youth voters will turn out in strong numbers on 11/4/08 and actually vote for the correct guy this time.
www.michaelmoore.com
In the meantime, register to get a free copy of Moore's new film "Slacker Uprising" at www.slackeruprising.com. Hopefully the Youth voters will turn out in strong numbers on 11/4/08 and actually vote for the correct guy this time.
www.michaelmoore.com
Murakami - "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running"
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Murakami's autobiographical account of how long distance running has affected his writing is a must read for aspiring writers and runners alike. He details the transparent parallels between the two: patience, focus, mental fortitude, discipline.
He also describes the melancholy of diminishing physical ability as aging takes hold on our bodies. It's a fight we will inevitably lose but must wage to better ourselves. He does all of this with the same verve he displays in his novels.
A quick read and well worth it. I highly recommend Murakami's latest.
Apocalypse Now
Because I have a brain I realize that Obama must win this election for America to lift itself out of its' self-imposed pit of dispair.
Actually it's bigger than just us. The World is watching and justly so. If we go for four more years of Bushism (McCain is only a mask. We'll continue to get raped by the same regime. Case in point: A Bush speech writer wrote Palin's "big" speech for the RNC. Change my ass.), then we've collectively turned our backs on the World at large. We'd be North Korea with a good PR spin.
I know I'm preaching to the converted if you're reading this. It's just food for thought. As I look at these current polls showing McCain to be ahead or in a dead heat with Obama, Canada is looking more and more enticing.
Food for thought: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/sep/10/uselections2008.barackobama
Shout to Lish for the link.
Actually it's bigger than just us. The World is watching and justly so. If we go for four more years of Bushism (McCain is only a mask. We'll continue to get raped by the same regime. Case in point: A Bush speech writer wrote Palin's "big" speech for the RNC. Change my ass.), then we've collectively turned our backs on the World at large. We'd be North Korea with a good PR spin.
I know I'm preaching to the converted if you're reading this. It's just food for thought. As I look at these current polls showing McCain to be ahead or in a dead heat with Obama, Canada is looking more and more enticing.
Food for thought: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/sep/10/uselections2008.barackobama
Shout to Lish for the link.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Potty Mouths
You can't fathom the things I hear on a daily basis while riding public transportation. The spectrum spans from intimate details being told to friends via cell phone convos to Republicans exclaiming their excitement about Tina Fey look-a-like and symbol of Alaskan pride, (whatever her first name is) Palin to hobos, bums and junkies talking to everyone and no one at the same time about God knows what; it's all a bit disturbing yet hilarious.
Wednesday's Muni ride took the cake when I overheard (I might as well say heard, since they were yelling) two teenage girls partake in the following dialogue:
Girl#1: Yo! That's that dude Billy! That n---a tried to get in me.
Girl#2: Let's go holla at him.
Girl#1: Word. (The girls proceed to exit the J at the next stop. Meanwhile I pick my jaw up off the floor)
For those in need of translation: The girls spotted an acquaintance they recognized while riding the J streetcar. One of the girls made out with said boy. Said boy tried to initiate sexual intercourse but failed. The girls decided to exit the streetcar and accost said boy.
Some things can never be unheard and can never be forgotten.
P.S.-The aforementioned dialogue was not taken from a contemporary Rap album skit. It really happened. I repeat, it really happened. Sho nuff.
Wednesday's Muni ride took the cake when I overheard (I might as well say heard, since they were yelling) two teenage girls partake in the following dialogue:
Girl#1: Yo! That's that dude Billy! That n---a tried to get in me.
Girl#2: Let's go holla at him.
Girl#1: Word. (The girls proceed to exit the J at the next stop. Meanwhile I pick my jaw up off the floor)
For those in need of translation: The girls spotted an acquaintance they recognized while riding the J streetcar. One of the girls made out with said boy. Said boy tried to initiate sexual intercourse but failed. The girls decided to exit the streetcar and accost said boy.
Some things can never be unheard and can never be forgotten.
P.S.-The aforementioned dialogue was not taken from a contemporary Rap album skit. It really happened. I repeat, it really happened. Sho nuff.
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