Why did Nike do a Saul Williams Commercial?

Brilliant.

http://grandgood.com/2008/04/05/why-did-nike-do-a-saul-williams-commercial-video/

Is Sex and the City the New Star Wars Prequels?

The Sex and the City movie is soon to be the new black. With hype from Manhattan, NY to Manhattan, KS, all eyes are on the Fabulous Foursome this weekend.

The public anticipation reminds me of the hype that reached magnanimous proportions when the crappy Star Wars prequels were birthed.

Some parallels to ponder:

Midnight showings, sold out Friday night showings, patrons in costumes, queues from here to the Castro, general fanatacism, closure of an epic series...

Tickets Please!

No more paper airplane tickets starting next week. After reading this octogenarians everywhere just became more curmudgeonly. Harrumph!

"I remember when there was only Pan Am and...What was I saying?"

http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest+News/World/STIStory_242308.html

Summer "Dont's"

June is almost here and I hear Summer is on the way (I wouldn't know because I live in perpetually breezy SF).

Shall we dig in with a List? Say word! Sho' nuff:

-Socks and sandals (unless you're Eastern European...because then it's just innate)

-Two piece bathing suits when you should be wearing a one piece (You know who you are)

-American flags (America is so 1997. This is Luxembourg's year!)

-Spending money on gas

-Sweating (Welcome to San Francisco where Summer begins in September)

-Visors (What works in the garden and on the Golf Course doesn't translate to the streets)

-Wristbands on your forearm

-Headbands (Did you ever think that work out for you? C'mon now!)

-Tube tops (Guaranteed to fail miserably on 97.3% of all women. Do you feel lucky today?)

-Jellies

-Heavy meals (Fact: Heat + superfluously full bellies = diarrhea. Know dat)

-Jorts (Just fucking give it up already you scenester prick)

I'm not getting older...i'm getting wiser and better looking.

Proof evident that I'm edging closer to 30, I picked up my glasses today. My first pair.

Single Vision Distance. In layman's terms--I'm nearsighted. I can't read that bottom line on that damn chart! I may have lost a battle but I haven't lost the War. These are for distance viewing (think...movie theater, vista points), driving at night and reading while tired.

Alas, my childhood dreams of wearing specs (strictly for the aesthetics of intelligentsia) has come true! I chose a smart, lightweight pair of black frames with some clever detail on the arms.

Here's to less eyestrain and more carrotjuice. Huzzah!

Veni, Vidi, Pee Pee

This article (bottom of this post) from the SF Chronicle about sums up Bay to Breakers for me. Not an event for the sober or faint of heart.

I wonder what unsuspecting European tourists thought when they saw this debacle on wheels. Something along the lines of "Sheisse!" or "Merde...stupide Americains" or "Aye Dios Mio!" would be apt. ( I realize i don't know how to spell curse words in German, French or Spanish--thus i refer to onomonapoeia...which i don't know how to spell either)

I was disappointed to say the least. It was a Frat-tastic parade on way too much alcohol and weed. Debauchery, poor decisions, apathy for your surroundings, selfishness and fun(?).

I gotta say that I hadn't laughed this hard at the misfortune of others in a long time (and i was not beheld to regret laughing either).

I hope it's better next year.

P.S.--Peep the quotes from the distraught Parks & Rec. gal: Pure Gold.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/05/21/BAJK10PM0S.DTL&hw=bay+to+breakers&sn=003&sc=398

Help Stop EBS!

Day in day out I do my best to cope with the atrocities of modernity. Times seem to be getting tougher and tougher. So while most of my peers gripe about gas prices, the recession, the neverending War in Iraq and the Democractic Presidential Nominee race, I concern myself with the most pressing issue of all: EBS (Exposed Boxers Syndrome).

Don't laugh because it's not funny. EBS is real...and dangerous. EBS is real dangerous. And it's sweeping across the nation faster than gossip about Miley Cyrus (insert your barebacked double entendres here).

Although this terrible affliciton has a reputation of only occurring in heterosexual urban Black males aged 14-30, I'm here to tell you differently. Like nutella on a hot crepe, I'm here to spread the truth.

It is time for us as a society to take a long, hard look in the mirror. It is time for us to let go of the stereotypes and debunk the myths about EBS. Male or female, Black or Phillipino--EBS knows no boundaries.

Some blame a lack of parental supervision. Others blame Rap music. But, in essence we're all to blame because EBS is still a taboo subject. It should no longer be a silent eye sore in our streets.

This abomination needs to be tackled! It can strike anyone at any time.

In the last week alone, I've seen San Francisco youths and adults of multiple different ethnicities with their pants sagging low and boxers on display for all to see.

THE MADNESS MUST END!

I'm calling on all of the readers of this blog to do what they can in the attack on EBS. I have personally begun a crusade against EBS by instituting community workshops throughout SF to help in the fight against EBS.

The main talking points in these workshops include: Proper belt wearing, Waistline measurement instruction, How to buy pants that fit and Walking like a Penguin and the Negative Perceptions that Result.

It is up to us, all of us, to end this debacle. Please take the initiative either at the neighborhood level or on the national level. Hell, write your Senator and tell him that EBS is affecting Suburban White Males too.

I'd even go as far as to make a "No Saggy Pants" law an Amendment to the Constitution. If the Right to Bear Arms is still relevant than the right to protect us against EBS is relevant, goddamnit.

Please, I urge you, Help Stop EBS!

Does Size Matter?

It looks like the Smart Car is looking even smarter despite its' diminutive stature.

I see these around SF regularly. My girl goes crazy whenever she sees one (like she's just seen the cutest, cuddliest, puppy ever crazy). I get excited about the plethora of parking options afforded to the owner of one of these futuristic beings.

Here's a link to the high-ranking crash test results for the mighty might:


http://money.cnn.com/2008/05/14/autos/smart_fortwo_iihs_crash_test/?postversion=2008051410

What we're spending our $600 government check on

-Grillz...iced out grillz

-That pink Furry costume I always wanted

-Bejeweled iPhone

-Year's supply of Spam

-Helping out Prince Joseph Zutu of Nigeria (he keeps sending me sincere emails)

-Downpayment on a jetpack

-Fred Flintstone ephemera

-A night with Tara Reid (a.k.a. a ticket to Taradise)

-Krystal and Dinosaur eggs

-Celebrity Connect Four Invitational Tournament (Guests include: KanYe West and Jonah Hill)

-Acting lessons from William Shattner

-Buying stocks in the Oil Industry

-$600 worth of pudding...aww yeah

-Exhumation of Col. Sanders

-Vegas, baby! Vegas!

-One way plane ticket to that island on "Lost"

-Football signed by O.J. Simpson

-Monarch butterfly tramp stamp

-Materials for the construction of a Time Machine (Delorean, flux capacitor, etc.)

-Trip to Baltimore specifically to re-enact our favorite scenes from "The Wire"

My Favorite Colour

Me and red shoes go way back like oppression and revolution.

Here we are in a picture from a house party circa last Winter. Don't mind the crotch shots, it's all about the red kicks. Delicious.

So when I discovered developing holes in the heels of my red asics I was crestfallen.

A near slip and fall on a wet day a few weeks ago illustrated that the forefoot was soon to be balder than Michael Jordan. But the holes in the heels...terminal.

You see before the red Asics Whizzer Lows it was red Puma racing shoes. Before the Pumas it was red Diesels.

A sleek pair of red shoes is as essential to my wardrobe as numbers on a clock.

So while I squeeze the last few wears out of these Asics, I must now go in search of another comfortable, low profile, sleek red slipper to compliment my jeans.

Will it be a pair of Pumas? Nike Dunks? Sneaky Steves?

Who knows? Who gives a damn besides me?

I give a damn, a goddamn in fact, Asics. You have my heart, you have my soul. Stay fly. R.I.P.

Thoughts Before Bed

I found another grey hair today...curses!

Chicken or the egg?

I really, like really hope that night terrors don't strike me tonight.

Why don't we call regular, non-sexual dreams "Dry Dreams"? There's a double standard here.

What is Carl Lewis doing right now?

Blue candies are overrated. I'm talking to you Blue M&Ms.

Where are all the pigeon nests?

One day I'll be able to do a one-armed push-up. Huzzah!

The worse possible torture besides castration would have to be being dunked into a vat of hot miracle whip...naked.

When will that government "stimulus" check arrive?

Can you teach a monkey to smoke heaters?

Does Samuel L. Jackson ever reject a movie offer?

What is Quentin Tarantino thinking about right now?

When was the exact moment that Michael Jackson failed us all?

Unicycles are overrated.

What if they discovered that superfluous cheese consumption delayed aging?!

Crestfallen, ostentatious and contrition are cool words.

It's bigger than hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop...

What is the old guy in the picture above thinking while I chuck the deuce?

Iron Man and the Subsequent Marvel Comics Movie Explosion

"I am...Iron Man. Duh duh duh da duh, duhdaduhdaduh duhduhduh."

I'll spare you the Ozzy Ozzborne vocal bits but damn that's a great guitar riff. Damn!

I saw "Iron Man" this past weekend (that's right) and it lived up to the hype. I knew it was gonna be a big weekend for the folks at Marvel Comics when we ascended to the 3rd floor of the Loews Metreon and noticed that there were already 3 showings of "Iron Man" ongoing when I walked into the nearly sold out theatre for an 8:30 showing. In the aftermath I read that Iron Man did $100 mil. this past weekend.

I say Goddamn.

Robert Downey Jr. produces in this film. He's every bit the conflicted superhero. Gwynny Paltrow--supercute with her red hair, freckles and submissiveness. Jeff Bridges a.k.a. Lebowski steals the show in this one as Obadiah Stane/Iron Monger. The bald head, the beard, the pudge--I love it.

In the end, I just want to get to the fact that this film is the jump off for Marvel Comics. Next year alone sees the release of Thor and Captain America. Dont' even mention the fact that Iron Man has a stinger that shows Samuel "MFin" Jackson as Nick Fury in what aims to be another comic to screen adventure.

Nerds everywhere rejoice!

No Scarlett, Not like this

Damn.

First Jessica Alba gets engaged to a pretty boy now Scarlett Johansson gets engaged to a pretty boy.

Damn.

Ryan Reynolds no less. I guess i better work on my jokes and get to the gym more often.

Props to Ryan. He's what Dane Cook tries to be in movies, but isn't. He's a good guy and he's Canadian--not bad, eh?

"110%" = WTF?

It's as cliche as "I'd like to thank GOD first and foremost."

It has been disseminated to atheletes of every ilk. It's the big red button of sporting cliches. When faced with adversity said athelete always resorts to:

"We're gonna give 110%".

Lately I've read comments from a soccer player trying to give 200% and a b-baller about to lay it on the line with 150%.

WTF?

As vexing as it is to hear this over and over again, it also induces vomit due to the fact that NO ONE CAN GIVE 110% BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. When will they learn that this tired, urban legend of a cliche bores fans to death? It's like playing Madlibs with Angela from The Office.

Here's a list of crap sporting cliches:

-"We're gonna give 110%."
-"We're gonna play our game."
-"We're taking it one game at a time."
-"We're not looking ahead, we're focused on our next game."
-"I'd like to thank my teammates"
-"I took what the defense gave me."
-"We're just happy to be here."