Help Stop EBS!

Day in day out I do my best to cope with the atrocities of modernity. Times seem to be getting tougher and tougher. So while most of my peers gripe about gas prices, the recession, the neverending War in Iraq and the Democractic Presidential Nominee race, I concern myself with the most pressing issue of all: EBS (Exposed Boxers Syndrome).

Don't laugh because it's not funny. EBS is real...and dangerous. EBS is real dangerous. And it's sweeping across the nation faster than gossip about Miley Cyrus (insert your barebacked double entendres here).

Although this terrible affliciton has a reputation of only occurring in heterosexual urban Black males aged 14-30, I'm here to tell you differently. Like nutella on a hot crepe, I'm here to spread the truth.

It is time for us as a society to take a long, hard look in the mirror. It is time for us to let go of the stereotypes and debunk the myths about EBS. Male or female, Black or Phillipino--EBS knows no boundaries.

Some blame a lack of parental supervision. Others blame Rap music. But, in essence we're all to blame because EBS is still a taboo subject. It should no longer be a silent eye sore in our streets.

This abomination needs to be tackled! It can strike anyone at any time.

In the last week alone, I've seen San Francisco youths and adults of multiple different ethnicities with their pants sagging low and boxers on display for all to see.

THE MADNESS MUST END!

I'm calling on all of the readers of this blog to do what they can in the attack on EBS. I have personally begun a crusade against EBS by instituting community workshops throughout SF to help in the fight against EBS.

The main talking points in these workshops include: Proper belt wearing, Waistline measurement instruction, How to buy pants that fit and Walking like a Penguin and the Negative Perceptions that Result.

It is up to us, all of us, to end this debacle. Please take the initiative either at the neighborhood level or on the national level. Hell, write your Senator and tell him that EBS is affecting Suburban White Males too.

I'd even go as far as to make a "No Saggy Pants" law an Amendment to the Constitution. If the Right to Bear Arms is still relevant than the right to protect us against EBS is relevant, goddamnit.

Please, I urge you, Help Stop EBS!